Pursuing Your Wife’s Pleasure, Not Your Own

Nick Lees January 20, 2017 1 Corinthians 7:3–5

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 (NASB95) 

    3      The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

    4      The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

    5      Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

INPUT: What command does Paul give to husbands in verse 3?

INPUT: To whom does God expect the husband to fulfill his duty?

What Paul is urging in this passage is that both husbands and wives live in such a way that they are always ready to give their body for the good of their spouse! The implication here is that God’s best for your marriage bed is not seeking your own gain, but seeking the gain of your spouse! Seek her pleasure, not your own! This will be the path to greatest joy and delight in this area of marriage.

INPUT: What objections could one give to this lifestyle of pursuing her pleasure and not your own?

 

Did you know that when you love your honey in this way you’re following a divine path? God and Jesus Christ have both demonstrated that love gives and serves another. For example, John 3:16 reads:

16        “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Or Galatians 2:20:

20        “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Or how about Ephesians 5:25:

            25        Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

INPUT: What are some other ways that we tend to put ourselves first in sexual intimacy within marriage?

INPUT: What are some ways that we can pursue her and put her first?

1.      Pursue her ________________

  • Make an effort to have quality face-to-face time with your wife
  • Recognize that she may desire closeness to you first via a long conversation
  • Put away the phone; Turn off the electronic devices
  • LISTEN! Engage with her!

2.      Pursue her ________________

  • Date your wife! (Justin Buzzard wrote an excellent book by this title)
  • Ask her what would bring her pleasure
    • A large part of knowing how to pursue your wife is knowing your wife!
      • Do you know what makes her tick? Her likes/dislikes? Would she prefer a simple date at a coffee shop or a fancy dinner at Mountain Jacks?
        • Perhaps for some of your wives it’s both on the same night! (God have mercy on you! J)
    • Seek to know her and then you will be able to serve her! 1 Peter 3:7 calls this living in an understanding way with your wives.
  • Realize that romance starts at 10am for intimacy at 7pm, not at 6:45pm

3.      Pursue her ________________[1]

  • When was the last time you sent her flowers?
  • When was the last time you surprised her with an unexpected gift?
  • When was the last time you had a spontaneous adventure together?
  • When was the last time you randomly cleaned the house for her?
  • When was the last time you told her that you would watch the kids so she could have a night out?
  • When was the last time you arranged for childcare so you could go on a hot date?
  • When was the last time you took her out to do something she loves to do?

Potential snares to be aware of along the way!

INPUT: Who remembers the command that Paul gave in 1 Cor. 7:5?
 

  1. A ________________ attitude towards sex is a snare!
  2. Lust is a snare! (Prov. 5:15-20)
  3. Our response to unfulfilled ________________may be a snare!
  4. The lie of ________-______________is a snare!
 

[1] Some of the items here come from a series of blogs titled “Pursuing Your Wife” posted on www.cbmw.org

 

Nick Lees

B.S. - Computer Information Technology, Purdue University
M.Div - Faith Bible Seminary

Pastor Nick Lees and his wife, Micaela, have been a part of our staff since Fall 2010.  Nick oversees the College, Wedding and Faith Church West Children’s Ministries, as well as Faith West Ministry Housing.  Nick is also an ACBC certified counselor.  He and Micaela have four daughters, Anniston, Eden, Haddyn and one still in the “oven”.