God's Kind of Husband

June 11, 2005

1)  We’re continuing our new series that dove tails with the Worship Service theme of Embracing the Adventure of a Growing Family
2)  We’ve titled this new series: Complete Makeovers: Case Studies of Embracing the Adventure of a Growing Family – the plan of attack is something like this:
1)  To review (or prepare ourselves – depending on which ABF you attend) the worship service message
2)  To read a Case Study that communicates those biblical concepts (positively or negatively)
3)  Work through specific applications of those truths to that specific life-situation – [we can do this in small groups or as a class – probably a little of both]
4)  Bring other passages of scripture (truth about God, man, etc.) that will further help us to be ‘doers of the Word and not hearers only’
3)  Today: The Complete Makeover deals with God’s Kind of Husband

1.  One of the things that we could all agree with is this:  Nobody around this place is perfect!
- we’re trying, we’re growing . . . but nobody’s got it all together
- when we admit that there are areas in our Christian life that are not glorifying to God because we’re not conforming to the image of Christ . . . WHERE DO WE TURN FOR ANSWERS?
- we turn to the Word of God – our source of truth that guides us and is ‘a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path’ (Ps. 119:9-11)
- and we turn to it for ALL areas of life – being God’s kind of Wife, and this week, being God’s Kind of Husband
2.  Read I Peter 2:21-3:15
* 4 principles to help men be godly husbands – for those who aren’t married...
• young men – you need to be trying to put these qualities on now as you relate to young ladies in your life, not in exactly the same way or degree, but growing in that direction
• young ladies – I would encourage you to put these kinds of ideas high on the list of what you’re looking for in a guy
• other singles---there’s plenty here you can apply to other relationships in your life...and if nothing else, it gives you specific ways you can be praying for your brothers in the church who are husbands...because we desperately need it..]

I.  Select Your Pattern Wisely.


* God’s kind of husband seeks to . . .
> Imitate Christ
- Peter said... 1 Peter 2:21 - For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,
- scan down over what is said about Christ in verses 22-25...because, of all that could have been said about our Lord, these concepts are chosen in part to set up what Peter says about husbands and wives...so what’s emphasized?...
Input: What does Peter say about the life if Christ in v. 22-23?
 Christ was Truthful ,
 Did not return evil for evil – v. 23
Input: What words would you use to describe His response to evil treatment?
> grace and mercy and forgiveness and patience, etc.
 Was willing to suffer in order to please God – v. 23
 Trusted God’s timetable.
Q: Do you respond that way to the imperfections of your spouse (others)?
Point: Christ’s death paid for your sin at the cross & set you free from the law of sin and death – you don’t have to sin, you can live in righteousness – that ought to give us a ton of HOPE!


II. Embrace Your Role as a Learner.


- Here’s something important to remember:
*  Leadership that is uninformed is invariably leadership that is harsh and misguided.
- one of the best ways to learn is to . . . ASK QUESTIONS and LISTEN!


III.  Fulfill Your Responsibility to be Spiritually Strong


- what are we going to do with these next two phrases...as with someone weaker, because she is a woman?...the question is...
Q: In what sense is a wife weaker?
* Answer:  Not intrinsically (cf. Gal. 3:28) / intellectually / spiritually / or always physically
• Galatians 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
- Steve will give some biblical examples of these in our worship time
- that still doesn’t answer the question:  In what way is she weak? [go back to the context]
* Includes:
1)  Her position in the relationship.
- by being willing to submit herself to her husband’s leadership...that is a position of weakness (especially when you factor in the imperfect authority she has to submit to!)
2)  It depends on each individual wife
- the weaknesses among the wives vary –each women is different and the curse of sin and their spiritual growth impacts them in different ways)


IV. Create a Climate of Honor


Q:  What is it? [look at 2:7 – the same word translated honor in 3:7 is used in 2:7]
* honor = “precious”  [speaking about the way we view Jesus Christ]
“The honor or preciousness that the husband must bestow on his wife is not only the recognition of her place in God’s ordinance of marriage; it is the honor that is theirs as one of God’s precious and holy people – Edmund Clowney, commentator
Input:  What are some ways we can show honor to our wife?
[take suggestions]
* Refer to 2 or 3 of the following:
 Learning and using proper etiquette.
 Refusing to use harsh or condescending forms of communication when talking to her.
 Praising her before others (especially your children).
 Being attentive to her when she’s talking to you (stop what you are doing, if possible, look her in the eyes—and listen intently to what she’s saying).
 Being considerate of her time and schedule in light of her other biblical priorities in addition to being your wife.
 Asking for and considering her opinion, especially when making plans and decisions that involve her.
 Providing her with enough financial resources to facilitate her biblical responsibilities.
 Protecting her from sin and temptation.
 Being considerate of (and helping her prioritize) her schedule.
 Not embarrassing her in front of (or revealing her weaknesses to) others.
 Dwelling on her positive qualities as much as possible, and overlooking her negative idiosyncrasies.
 Praising her and commending her to others (Prov. 31:29).
 Helping to establish and maintain her “good name” according to Proverbs 22:1).
 Not allowing the children to talk disrespectfully to her (cf. Eph. 6:2).
 Using kindness and gentleness in your dealings with her (Col. 3:12-13 and I Cor. 13).
 Attributing the best possible motive to her actions (I Cor. 13:7: “love believes all things”) especially when she does not follow your clear directives.


Case Study #5:  God’s Kind of Husband

Jack and Tabitha both work to pay off some debts he incurred before they were married.  These debts were from his life style, and Tabitha was not aware of them until after they were married.  She learned about them when they began talking about buying a house. It came out when he informed her they could not do that until they were out of debt.  He insisted she go to work for this purpose and then they could consider a house purchase.

His work is seasonal, so when the weather is bad, he cannot work.  When off work, he stays home and spends hours on the Internet looking for money-saving home aids, various games, and sports interests.  Yet when asked about internet use, he minimizes the time the actually spent and focuses on the minor, almost insignificant, home-projects he accomplished.  When the weather is good, he will miss church on Sundays to make up for the days lost due to bad weather. 

Even though at times he is home all day on the days, he expects her to do all the cooking and housework.  Many of Jack’s decisions are the ‘bottom line’ and he rarely asks his wife for input. He can be rather demanding in his expectations and in his tone of voice – at times, even condescending.  He wants certain things for breakfast every morning and expects her to get up early enough to fix them before she leaves for work.  Even though he may not have worked all day, he expects her to fix supper and do the house work when she comes home in the evening. When she tries to communicate with him about these issues, he states, “My Dad taught me that certain things are woman’s work.”  If the ‘work’ doesn’t get done, he restricts her budget items and will not let her interact with her friends or participate in serving at church – not the mention the verbal blow-ups that occur when he finds out something is not done!

Tabitha is trying hard to carry the load, but sometimes she will purposely NOT do the cooking or other specific jobs in an effort to show Jack that he can’t make her do everything he wants!  Jack’s more motivated in his efforts to try to change his wife simply to relieve the uncomfortableness he experiences when she doesn’t do the work he expects!  They rarely spend any time in the Word or prayer.

1. In light of 1 Peter 2:22-23, in what ways is Jack NOT being like Christ?
 Truthfulness – his debt before marriage, his time on the internet when working @ home
 Returning evil for evil – restricting her budget items, denying her chance to serve, blow-ups
 Willing to suffer – he won’t sacrifice to meet her needs or have a meal ready for her
 Trusting God – he just wants HER to change, not himself
2.  What are some of Tabitha’s imperfections?
 Not being submissive – purposefully NOT doing what he asks
 Trying to control him or ‘make him pay’ for his unreasonable demands
Cf. Matthew 7:1-5 – get the log out of his eye 1st!
3.  How would you describe Jack’s view of the work of Christ – specifically His death on the cross?
 Minimizes it at least – it’s no big deal
 Neglects it – does not allow it to have a ‘sacrificial’ impact on his life and relationship to his wife
4.  In what way(s) is Jack NOT embracing his role as a ‘learner’ or failing to ‘live with her in an understanding way’?
 He is not very concerned about learning about his wife, her weaknesses, etc.
 He’s not asking his wife questions about decision – he just INFORMS her!
 He not getting her input as far as the ‘load’ she is carrying – too much, etc.
 His focus is on her taking care of his needs and doing what he expects.
 He is harsh and misguided – and when she talks to him, he doesn’t listen.
 He is listening to parental advice more than biblical truth.
5.  How would rate Jack on fulfilling his responsibility to be spiritually strong?
 not very good – he’s spends little time in the Word and prayer with his wife – neglects church
6. How do you reconcile his leadership of working whenever possible and missing church?
 This is leadership & priorities based on his preferences rather than biblical principles.
 His focus on being responsible at work is excellent but that is higher priority than some specific God-given responsibilities.
7. Read Ephesians – in what ways is Jack violating this passage?
 He is not showing Christ like love to his wife.
 He loves himself and his desires more than her.
 He is not showing love for Christ by following His example.
 He has not loved her enough to be honest with her prior to the marriage or during it
8. What would Jack need to DO to begin to ‘honor’ his wife as God expects from him?
[review suggestions in worship study review]
9.  What would he need to do to change?
 Change to a biblical understanding of his role as a learner before becoming a leader.
 Repent of disregarding biblical teachings on Christ’s life – His view of God drives his actions
 Repent of his view of ‘work’ in the home because of what his Dad said.
Note: Show him what the Bible says about their roles .. Ask him to support Dad’s position with clear biblical teaching . . . Then ask which he should follow, Dad’s advice or biblical principles
 Repent of his wrong view of his wife – that she is there just to serve him!
Q: Where is his servant’s heart?.
10. What major focus of Jake’s life needs to change?
 The marriage is for his benefit / God’s Word is not as important as parental advice / He needs to see the ministry of being a godly husband.


Case Study #5:  God’s Kind of Husband

Jack and Tabitha both work to pay off some debts he incurred before they were married.  These debts were from his life style, and Tabitha was not aware of them until after they were married.  She learned about them when they began talking about buying a house. It came out when he informed her they could not do that until they were out of debt.  He insisted she go to work for this purpose and then they could consider a house purchase.

His work is seasonal, so when the weather is bad, he cannot work.  When off work, he stays home and spends hours on the Internet looking for money-saving home aids, various games, and sports interests.  Yet when asked about internet use, he minimizes the time the actually spent and focuses on the minor, almost insignificant, home-projects he accomplished.  When the weather is good, he will miss church on Sundays to make up for the days lost due to bad weather. 

Even though at times he is home all day on the days, he expects her to do all the cooking and housework.  Many of Jack’s decisions are the ‘bottom line’ and he rarely asks his wife for input. He can be rather demanding in his expectations and in his tone of voice – at times, even condescending.  He wants certain things for breakfast every morning and expects her to get up early enough to fix them before she leaves for work.  Even though he may not have worked all day, he expects her to fix supper and do the house work when she comes home in the evening. When she tries to communicate with him about these issues, he states, “My Dad taught me that certain things are woman’s work.”  If the ‘work’ doesn’t get done, he restricts her budget items and will not let her interact with her friends or participate in serving at church – not the mention the verbal blow-ups that occur when he finds out something is not done!

Tabitha is trying hard to carry the load, but sometimes she will purposely NOT do the cooking or other specific jobs in an effort to show Jack that he can’t make her do everything he wants!  Jack’s more motivated in his efforts to try to change his wife simply to relieve the uncomfortableness he experiences when she doesn’t do the work he expects!  They rarely spend any time in the Word or prayer.

1. In light of 1 Peter 2:22-23, in what ways is Jack NOT being like Christ?

 


2.  What are some of Tabitha’s imperfections?

 

3.  How would you describe Jack’s view of the work of Christ – specifically His death on the cross?


4.  In what way(s) is Jack NOT embracing his role as a ‘learner’ or failing to ‘live with her in an understanding way’?

 


5.  How would rate Jack on fulfilling his responsibility to be spiritually strong?

6.  How do you reconcile his leadership of working whenever possible and missing church?


7. Read Ephesians – in what ways is Jack violating this passage?


8. What would Jack need to DO to begin to ‘honor’ his wife as God expects from him?


9.  What would he need to do to change?


10. What major focus of Jake’s life needs to change?


ABF Series: Complete Makeovers
CASE STUDY #5  God’s Kind of Husband
1 Peter 2:21-3:15 – Message Review

- Case Studies of Embracing the Adventure of a Growing Family:
1)  To review (or prepare ourselves) for the worship service message
2)  To read a Case Study that communicates those biblical concepts (positively or negatively)
3)  Work through specific applications of those truths to that specific life-situation –
4)  Bring other passages of scripture (truth about God, man, etc.) that will further help us to be ‘doers of the Word and not hearers only’

* 4 principles to help men be godly husbands

I.  Select Your Pattern Wisely.
* God’s kind of husband seeks to . . .
> Imitate ______________
1 Peter 2:21 - For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,
Input: What does Peter say about the life if Christ in v. 22-23?
 Christ was ___________
 Did not return _______ for _______ – v. 23
Input: What words would you use to describe His response to evil treatment?

 

 Was willing to _____________ in order to please God – v. 23
 Trusted God’s ________________.
II. Embrace Your Role as a Learner.

*  Leadership that is uninformed is invariably leadership that is _________ and ______________.

III.  Fulfill Your Responsibility to be Spiritually Strong
Q: In what sense is a wife weaker?
* Answer:  Not ____________ / _____________ / ____________ / or always __________
* Includes:
1)  Her _______________ in the relationship.
2)  It depends on each individual wife
IV. Create a Climate of ______________
Q:  What is it?
* honor = “___________”

“The honor or preciousness that the husband must bestow on his wife is not only the recognition of her place in God’s ordinance of marriage; it is the honor that is theirs as one of God’s precious and holy people – Edmund Clowney, commentator

Input:  What are some ways we can show honor to our wife?



ABF Series: Complete Makeovers
CASE STUDY #5: God Kind of Husband
1 Peter 2:21-3:15

- Case Studies of Embracing the Adventure of a Growing Family:
1)  To review (or prepare ourselves) for the worship service message
2)  To read a Case Study that communicates those biblical concepts (positively or negatively)
3)  Work through specific applications of those truths to that specific life-situation –
4)  Bring other passages of scripture (truth about God, man, etc.) that will further help us to be ‘doers of the Word and not hearers only’
* 4 principles to help men be godly husbands
I.  Select Your Pattern Wisely.
* God’s kind of husband seeks to . . .
> Imitate Christ
1 Peter 2:21 - For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,
Input: What does Peter say about the life if Christ in v. 22-23?
 Christ was Truthful
 Did not return evil for evil – v. 23
Input: What words would you use to describe His response to evil treatment?
 Was willing to suffer in order to please God – v. 23
 Trusted God’s timetable.
II. Embrace Your Role as a Learner.
*  Leadership that is uninformed is invariably leadership that is harsh and misguided.
III.  Fulfill Your Responsibility to be Spiritually Strong
Q: In what sense is a wife weaker?
* Answer:  Not intrinsically / intellectually / spiritually / or always physically
* Includes:
1)  Her position in the relationship.
2)  It depends on each individual wife
IV. Create a Climate of Honor
Q:  What is it?
* honor = “precious”
“The honor or preciousness that the husband must bestow on his wife is not only the recognition of her place in God’s ordinance of marriage; it is the honor that is theirs as one of God’s precious and holy people – Edmund Clowney, commentator

Input:  What are some ways we can show honor to our wife?