I Cor. 7:1-9 - Biblical Principles of Sex

Steve Viars October 29, 1991 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

- we're continuing our study of the book of I Cor.
- tonight we're going to move into I Cor.7 and talk about
  some biblical principles of sex

Introductory Questions:
- I'd like us to think about three questions tonight to help
  our minds be ready to study these verses

1) INPUT - Should a church teach on this subject and if so, why?
        
2) INPUT - (closely related to that) - What are some of the
           sources of information on this subject that we are
           bombarded with on a daily basis?

      - point - whether we like it or not - our world brings
         this subject up every day, and we have to, as a
         church, teach what the Word of God has to say on
         this subject.
      - cf. Doc Smith's former church - you can teach on
          anything here but that.

  - the third question we need to talk about will require us
    to read the verses before we answer. But let me give the
    question first.

3) What is unique about this passage (in terms of the kind of
     literature it is) and what does that mean to the way we
     interpret and apply the verses?

- READ 7:1-9

  - point is - these verses are a response to some questions
     that the Corinthians had written to Paul in a former
     letter.
      - what's challenging about this is that we don't have a
        copy of the original questions.  (I think we can make
        some pretty educated guesses - but no one could say
        for sure that they know exactly what those questions
        were)
      - but we do know this - Paul was not attempting to give
          a thorough discussion of marriage or sexual
          relations in this passage
      - he is simply answering some questions that the
         Corinthians asked

- that is a very important issue
- we're talking about one of our principles of Bible study
   (hermeneutics)
     - that is - determine what kind of literature it is that
          you've studying

- in this case - it's critical to remember that Paul is not
     seeking to give us everything we need to know about
     marriage, or about sexual relations.
- see, the danger is this--to draw general conclusions from
    the answers to specific questions that the writer never
    intended us to draw

- that happened at the Wilds last week
- we were having a Q and A time and a person asked Doc Smith
   a question about a specific medical issue

- he answered the question very thoroughly as it related to
   that particular issue
- someone over on the other side of the room took that answer
    and applied to a completely different issue, and came up
    with a wrong conclusion

- that could happen with this passage
- a person could study this passage and conclude (wrongly)
   - that being single is more spiritual than being married
   - that marriage is simply an escape valve for the sexual
       drive

- what will help us prevent that is remembering the kind of
  literature this is
    - Paul answering questions - not giving us a definitive
        treatment of the subject

- now that’s where another principle of hermeneutics comes in
- INPUT - what will help us stay on track in our
     understanding and application of these verses so that
     we don't fall into some of the extreme positions I
     mentioned earlier?
       - the unity principle - where we don't make our
         understanding of these verses fight the rest of the
         Bible

    - in fact the title we gave these verses - "Biblical
        Principles of Sex" might be a little misleading
    - what we're saying is - these are very, very important
      principles about sex and marriage that Paul chose to
      give us in I Cor. 7
         - but we can't let our understanding of them fight
           against other places in the Bible that discuss sex
           and marriage

- with that in mind, let's look at four principles that will
  help us please the Lord in sexual relations

I. Singleness is OK

  - I've chosen that wording very carefully and I'll explain
     why I chose it in a minute but first let me say that
     folks have said a lot of different things about these
     verses

   - "if you're really spiritual - you'll stay single -
       that's what's good - singleness is best"
          - some groups that believe that even make that a
            requirement for the ministry

   - others have used this verse in teaching teens not to get
     involved in petting before marriage


       - I definitely agree that that’s wrong
       - I Thes. 4:6 warns against defrauding - stirring
            passions that cannot be righteously satisfied
       - but some folks come back to I Cor. 7:1 - and say -
          see, you shouldn't touch

- obviously, the point about defrauding is true, but that's
   not what this passage is about

    (A. Meaning of the phrase "touch a woman")

        - when Paul uses the phrase "touch a woman", he's
          speaking "euphemistically" (using a euphemism)
        - that's a big word some English teacher came up with
          to describe a word or phrase that is less
          expressive or direct but is considered less
          distasteful or offensive

        - that’s just a part of the way we talk
        - the phrase "touch a woman" in the Bible means
           "having sexual relations"

        - in Gen. 20 - Abraham lied about his wife Sarah and
            said she was his sister. So Abimilech, the king
            of Gerar, took her into his house.
        - Gen. 20:6 tells us that God came to Abimilech in a
           dream and said - I kept you from sinning because I
           allowed thee not to touch her (to do what you
           would have normally done in your pagan society)

        - the word is also used that way in Ruth. 2:9 and
            Prov. 6:29

    - so Paul is saying - it's good for a person to remain
      unmarried and not have sexual relations

- now at that point we all ought to say - wait a minute - Is
   Paul saying that remaining single and abstaining from
   sexual relations is good - and by implication then that
   getting married and having sexual relations is bad?

- If we took that position - we would be violating a direct
    statement of Scripture
- INPUT? (Gen. 2:18 - it is not good that man should be
    alone)

    B. This can't mean that singleness is good and marriage
        is bad

- so we still have the question - what was Paul telling us?
- the answer to that comes from understanding the:

    C. meaning of the word "good"

        - good in this passage isn't morally good (that would
          have been a different word in the original)
        - the word Paul uses here is the same word we would
          use today as OK
            - it's not especially good, it's not especially
              bad - it's OK

   - now you might ask - why would Paul have to say that?
- here's why, while you've got some folks who thought being
  single was especially spiritual, you also had some rabbi's
  teaching this:

    D. Some rabbis taught - "marriage is the unqualified duty
        of man."

       - in other words - some people said - everyone should
         be married

       - obviously, the Corinthians are going to have
         questions about all this
           - should we all get married like the rabbis say
           - should we all stay single like the ascetics say
           - what's most spiritual and therefore pleasing to
              God

- Paul's answer is - neither
- singleness is OK - and if God has given a person the gift
   of celibacy - fine
     - pursue that gift and learn to serve and function with
        joy in that position
     - there's nothing inherently wrong with that
     - there's nothing inherently spiritual about that
     - it's OK

- now Paul's going to say later on:

    E. you may especially want to consider this in light of
       the present distress

       - verse 26 alludes to some of the rising persecution
         of the church
       - in that sense - singleness might be preferred
           - its OK to do that if that’s the gift God has
             given

    - but if you choose that path:

    F. Singles must maintain moral purity

       - only OK if you "don't touch a woman"
       - only OK if you don't "defraud" - I Thess. 4:6 -
           don't stir passions that can't be righteously
           satisfied

        - let me ask you quickly - what are some implications
          of this passage to the way we relate to those in
          our church who are single?
             1) shouldn't push them into marriage
             2) should pray for their purity

- Paul goes on in verse 2 to make a statement that has to be
    understood using the principles we discussed earlier

- READ verse 2

II. In Most Cases, Marriage Is To Be Preferred

    A. Reason


        - INPUT- what is the reason given in verse 2 for most
            of us marrying (because of the immoralities)
             - the porneias - the rampant sexual sin and
               temptation that existed in their society and
               exists in our society

             - Paul makes the same kind of statement in verse
               9 when he says - "it's better to marry than to
               burn"

        - now we have to be careful here - the point Paul is
          making is very, very important
            - but if its not balanced with the rest of the
              Scripture, a person could really go to seed on
              this

- now let me give the principle - and then we'll back off and
    put some balance on it
      "one of the purposes for marriage is to help the other
       person maintain moral purity"

- now I did not say that that is the only purpose for
    marriage
- for sake of time, let me give an outline John McArthur uses
   for the purposes of marriage:

    1) Partnership - It is not good that man should be alone
        Gen. 2:18
    2) Procreation - God commanded Adam and eve to be
          fruitful and fill the earth - need to be married,
          to have a spouse to fulfill that command biblically
    3) Pleasure - Prov. 5:18-19 speaks of being "exhilarated
        always" with the wife of your youth
    4) Picture - Christ's love for the church - Eph. 5:25

       - all of those are important and we talk about those
         often and in many settings
       - but its right and it's accurate to add this one from
         I Cor. 7:2

   - that is that marriage helps the partners maintain moral
      purity

- now, it would be wrong for someone to go out and say -
   Pastor Viars says that the primary purpose of marriage is
   a release valve for sex

- that’s not what we're saying - but helping our spouses
   maintain moral purity is clearly one of the purposes for
    which God ordained marriage

- now, I realize you might say - I just don't like that

- maybe it will help by thinking about this
there are clearly different levels of motivation in the Bible

    B. "Levels" of motivation in the Bible

        - for example, there are different reasons why we
          ought to love and serve God


- at the highest level, we ought to do so in response to
    his great love for us
       - the goodness of God leads to repentance
       - if we lived right every moment of the day, that's
          all we'd need
             - we'd serve and love God the way we should
               simply in response to His great love for us

- see, if we lived right every minute of the day....but what?
   - we don't live right every moment of the day

      - so the Lord gives us some other "level of motivation"

         - like this - love God and serve Him because the
             Bible says so
               - maybe not as high a motivation, but we need
                  to hear that

- unfortunately, on some days even that’s not enough
   - so the Bible has verses like this - "the way of the
       transgressor is hard"
         - if my love won't motivate you, and obedience to my
           word won't motivate you - be motivated by thinking
           about what's going to happen to you if you don't

- I like to think of it this way
   - like having a series of safety nets under the high wire
      at the circus

      - the first one has pretty big holes, but if the person
        is careful and falls correctly - that net will catch
        him
      - but picture a second net under the first - with
        smaller holes
          - so if the person gets through the first net - the
            one with the smaller holes should catch him
              - it might put a few more scratches on - but at
                least it will work
      - then picture under that - the third net with even
        smaller holes - where the person couldn't possibly
        fall through unless he just took a pair of scissors
        and foolishly cut the net

- the Lord does that with His truth
- there's different kinds of motivations for obeying God

- some are pretty high and lofty - others are pretty base and
    direct
- our response to those base ones ought not to be disgust or
   distain
     - we ought to view those motivations as a gift from a
       gracious God who has designed all kinds of reasons why
       we shouldn't sin

- the point is - I Cor. 7:2 isn't the only thing the Bible
   says about sex in marriage - but we ought not to fail to
    factor this truth in with everything else we think about
    this subject
      - one of the purposes for marriage is to help my spouse
         maintain moral purity


- now, once Paul has laid this groundwork, he makes what is
   probably the major point of this section

III. Stop Depriving One Another

    - see, for those married couples that understand the
      implications of the first two verses
        - there's nothing especially spiritual about the
          single life
        - one of the purposes of marriage is to help your
          marriage partner maintain moral purity

    - then we must, as verse 5 says, stop depriving one
      another if that indeed is happening

- now, let me ask you a question (and I realize that this
   isn't the easiest topic to get a discussion going on)
     but, INPUT - what are some reasons why a spouse would
     deprive his/her spouse in this area?


- now, let's look at some of the principles Paul gives

    A. sexual relations is a mutual obligation

        - Paul describes sexual relations here as a duty
        - in the previous chapter, he had pointed out that in
          marriage , two become one -- as a result in verse 4
          he could say
             "wife has rights over her husband"
             "husband has rights over his wife"

        - it's a mutual obligation

        - failing to participate aggressively, passionately,
          wholeheartedly is sin

    - these verses also mean that:

    B. The goal of sex is giving, providing satisfaction for
        your spouse

        - this has got to be one of the most critical points
          of the passage especially in light of the society
          in which we live

        - this is a selfish society and that selfishness is
          no more evident than when sexual issues are being
          addressed or discussed

        - we need to recognize - those selfish habits start
          early when it comes to this subject
        - I've purposely stayed away from illustrations that
          come right from the garbage can of our world on
          this subject
             - but let me use one

        - many of us can remember growing up in schools as
          unbelievers and hearing the question asked after
          someone had been on a date as "what did you get?"


            - that’s the mentality of the world
            - sex is getting
            - sex is pleasing self

   - our world has spun off entire industries devoted to that
     principle
       - pornography in every form
       - masturbation
       - rape
       - date rape
       - and on and on - all forms of the selfishness that
           exists in our world when it comes to this subject

  - cf. Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas - sexual harassment
       - should never be true of a Christian
       - please don't say - "go after those men, pastor
           Viars" - women guilty too (chicken factory)

- and I think we need to say- its not just a problem in our
    world
      - its a problem in our hearts

- the goal of sex is giving - to provide sexual satisfaction
    for our spouses

    C. To deny sexual relations is a forceful robbery

        - the word deprive or defraud is verse 5 is often
          used to talk about a forceful theft

        - spouses who don't make time for this area
            - bargain with this area
            - manipulate with this area
               - are behaving like thieves, because they are
                 taking something from another person that is
                 rightfully theirs

- we need to ask some very important questions tonight

   - for those who are single - am I satisfied in the state
        I'm currently and am I looking for ways to serve with
        that extra time
          - am I taking precautions to stay morally pure

   - for those who are married
      - do I have a selfish view of this area of life, and if
        so, how is that manifested
      - have I been a "thief in my own home" in that I've
         defrauded my spouse?

Paul finishes up by saying:

    D. Temporary exceptions may be made by mutual consent

        - there may be a spiritual issue that you're involved
          in that would be best addressed if sexual relations
          are mutually suspended, but:

    E. Undelayed resumption of the relationship is mandatory

Steve Viars

B.S. - Bible, Baptist Bible College
M.Div. - Grace Theological Seminary
D.Min. - Westminster Theological Seminary

Pastor Steve Viars has served at Faith Church since 1987. He and his wife Kris were married in 1982 and have two married daughters, a son, and two grandchildren. Pastor Viars’ gifted teaching ministry, enthusiasm for the Word of God, and organizational skills are instrumental in equipping Faith Church. He oversees the staff, deacons, and all Faith ministries and serves on the boards of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, Biblical Counseling Coalition, Vision of Hope, and the Faith Community Development Corporation.

Read Steve Viars’ Journey to Faith for the full account of how the Lord led Pastor Viars to Faith Church.

View Pastor Viars' Salvation Testimony Video