I Corinthians 7:10-16 #2

- tonight we're going to be in I Cor 7 looking at the second
half of what Paul said about marriage, divorce, and
remarriage

- you may remember that last week that we said that these
verses need to be divided up according to what specific
group they're written to
- sometimes the commands given to one group are completely
different than those given to another group - and its
critical in understanding these verses to sort through
who's being addressed
- v. 10-11 - written to believers married to believers
- vs. 12-14 - believers married to unbelievers who want to
stay in the marriage
- vs. 15-16 - believers married to unbelievers who don't want
to stay in the marriage

- last week we saw that God's word to believers married to
believers is - No divorce!
- while the Scripture does recognize an exception which
we discussed last week, the overall principle is -
Don't divorce!
- we said that God has been very gracious to us in
putting this roadblock up on the divorce trail
because:
1) it gives hope (God would never command us to
do something that is impossible, or that He
wouldn't/couldn't enable us to carry out
2) leads to greater commitment - (knowing
you're going to have something for a long
period of time dramatically affects your
commitment to it

- tonight we're going to continue our outline (that’s why
we're beginning with Roman II) by looking at:

II. God's Word to Believers Married to Unbelievers Who Want
To Stay In The Marriage

- let me just say a word about the practicality of these
verses
- I realize that the majority of the folks here tonight
are not in either of the two categories we're going to
discuss tonight

- so the natural question might be - How can these
verses help me? (several answers)

1) To be better equipped to help a person who is
in this situation that God brings across your
path.
2) There are important general principles in these
verses that apply to all.
3) We can rejoice when a person in a specific
situation receives direct teaching from the
Word of God about his/her situation.

- part of being in a church body is being
mature enough to recognize that there are
going to be illustrations or passages that
do not specifically address your situation.
- but we ought to rejoice when another brother or sister is
receiving direct teaching about his/her specific situation
and we ought to recognize that the Holy Spirit of God says
that all Scripture is profitable and that He can work in
all of our hearts through the general principles of His
Word if we'll be submissive to that work

- READ I Cor. 7:10-16

- as I mentioned last week, I think we better spend a minute
talking about that phrase in verse 12 - "but to the rest
speak I, not the Lord"

A. Why "speak I, not the Lord?"

INPUT - why might that be a concern to some folks? (seems to
indicate that these words aren't as important because
they're only from Paul's mouth.

- in other words - some folks might view these verses as
weakening our position on inspiration because Paul is
coming right out and saying that these aren't the Lord's
words.

- actually, the opposite is true
- verse 12 is a very strong SUPPORT for our view of
inspiration

- Paul is not saying that these are not God's words - he's
simply saying that Jesus never addressed this specific
topic in His earthly ministry, so now he is going to do it
- but the point isn't - "Corinthians, you don't have to
listen to this because these are only my words...in fact,
just the opposite is true.
- he is putting these words in the same category as
God's words because that is exactly what they were
- Jesus didn't specifically address this subject in his
earthly ministry, but what Paul is writing is inspired
by God
- All scripture is given by inspiration of God

- Paul could speak with great authority because of that
- you see that in verse 17 (read)

- point is - this verse is not an embarrassment to the
doctrine of inspiration - it's a strong support of the
doctrine of inspiration

- let's take one minute and push this one step further
- I Peter

- read 1:20-21

- read 3:15-17

- now that that’s settled, let's look at what God says to
believers married to unbelievers who want to stay in the
marriage
- INPUT - in verses 12-13, what is the command given to
believers married to believers who want to stay in
the marriage?

B. The command

- don't put them away - don't separate, divorce, send
them away

- we're not talking about whether a believer should
marry an unbeliever
- INPUT - what does the Bible say about that and
where does it say it?
- II Cor. 6:14 - Be not unequally
yoked together with unbelievers
- I Cor. 7:39 - (speaking of a situation
where a Christian's spouse dies) -
she may marry - only in the Lord

- so we're not talking about whether a Christian
should marry an unbeliever or not
- we're talking about cases where a person, as an
unbeliever, marries an unbeliever, and then is saved

- or a person who's a believer, who violated the
Bible and married an unbeliever

- now let's think about this together for a minute
What are some reasons a believer married to an unbeliever
might give for wanting to divorce his/her unbelieving
spouse?
(put on board) (divide legitimate from illegitimate)

- wants to have a Christian marriage
- wants to be able to pray with spouse
- share on a spiritual level
- more spiritual environment for kids
- doesn't like some of spouses' sinful habits

- I'm not saying that some of these desires are illegitimate
in and of themselves (in fact, we'll talk more about the
"desires part of this in a minute), but the bottom line is
that God says a believer married to a believer who wants to
stay in the marriage cannot divorce his/her spouse

- Paul gives several reasons for that:

C. Reasons for the command

1. it’s an opportunity for evangelism

a. for your spouse

- INPUT - what does the passage say happens
to an unbelieving spouse who is living
with a believer who is responding
biblically to that situation?

- INPUT - we've been studying sanctification in SS - what are
the four aspects of sanctification? (flash transparency)

- INPUT - what kind of sanctification is being spoken of
here?

- point is - God wants that believing spouse to remain in
that marriage (if the unbeliever wants to remain
married) because that places that unbeliever in the best
possible position to be saved.

- INPUT - why is that true? (develop)

- INPUT - what other Bible writer made this same point? (and
where did he make it?)
- turn (and read) I Peter 3:1-6

- this raises a very important issue, and the issue is - In
your list of priorities, how important is your spouses
salvation to you?
- ***In your list of priorities, how important is it to
you to obey God's Word, remain married, and live
a life that is a good testimony of what it means
to have Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord?

- (Back to the board) there's nothing intrinsically wrong
with a person saying things like:
- I'd like to be able to pray with my spouse
- I'd like to be able to share spiritually with him/her
- I wish he/she were concerned about growing

- but the question is - Is Jesus Christ so important to you,
and is the potential salvation of your spouse so
important to you,
- that you're willing to strive to be God's kind of
person
- seek to live a godly example before that person
- ***Even if you never get these things that you want

- that’s critical, because often these things (on the board)
become idols
- do you know how you can tell that
- watch what the person does when they don't get them

- some believing spouses in the situation we're talking
about right now are irritable, grumpy, poor company,
proud, condescending
- living with them is anything but living with
Jesus Christ

- Why - because they don't love lost people the way Jesus did

- that’s why the great commission begins with a participle
- Go ye therefore, and make disciples
- "Go" is a participle
- it could be translated - as you're going

- point is - whatever situation you find yourself in - look
for opportunities to share Christ
- ***some of us are so busy wanting to get out of
relationships and involvement with unbelievers that we
miss great opportunities for evangelism

- this point applies much further than just believers married
to unbelievers
- we all need to hear this one
- some of us get the idea that life would be great if it
wasn't for all these unbelievers around
- living for God and ministering for Him would be great if we
didn't have to bother with all these folks who weren't
saved

- when I was studying in Philadelphia I also worked in a
Christian school
- a very unique situation
- inner city ministry
- lot of hurting kids

- we had a great staff at that school, with people that were
very conscientious
- the teachers wanted to have their papers graded on time
- they wanted their bulletin boards to look good, and
their classrooms to be clean and neat

- our maintenance man was the same way
- he wanted that building to be neat and clean and in
good repair

- but what I saw happening with our staff was the frustration
at times because,
you know what it was that prevented them from always
having their papers graded, rooms clean, building
looking spotless, and all the rest?

- it was the kids - and their sinfulness, and their problems
- and sometimes I saw this attitude start to develop on the
part of the staff -
- working at this school would be great, if it wasn't for
the lousy kids!

- we could really keep this place clean, neat - get our
papers graded, and all the rest -- if we didn't have to
be bothered with their sinfulness and their needs

- do you see the folly of that kind of thinking? - we'd have
to go back and think about our purpose and what God
wanted us to accomplish in that place

- sure their sinfulness, needs, habits made our job
harder - but that was our job

- I don't want to sound insensitive to the believer married
to the unbeliever, or the believer who works with
unbelievers (like most here do), or the believer with
unsaved family members or neighbors
- some of those situations are tough
- use bad language
- tell foul jokes
- have wrong values
- dishonest, backbiting, and all the rest

- But, God says that for the believer married to the
unbeliever, the believer who has unsaved co-workers,
neighbors, family members, friends...

- Don't be all anxious about getting out of those
relationships as soon as possible
- Jesus said it - "Ye have not chosen me, but I have
chosen you, and ordained you...

- so Paul says - stay married because its an opportunity for
evangelism for your spouse
- it's also an opportunity for evangelism:

b. for your kids

- now that’s just the opposite of what some believing parents
married to unbelieving spouses think
- they want to focus on their spouses bad habits - and
usually there are plenty of them to focus on
- the thought, concern - sometimes it's very sincere is
- my kids are going to get dirty being around this
unbeliever

- the truth is – that’s exactly the opposite of what the
passage says
- it says - the children in this kind of situation are
holy - set apart just like the unbelieving spouse is
set apart

- a very important principle in these verses is - it only
takes one
- it only takes one person living for God in an entire
family that set that family apart as being in the best
possible position to accept Christ

- see, it really comes down to this question - what do
children in a home, where one parents is saved and the
other is not, need the most?

- answer is not - they need a germ free environment
- (not) the believing spouse needs to leave as quickly as
possible so the kids aren't defiled

- this passage teaches that the opposite is true
- those children can be greatly benefited by living in a
household where that believing spouse models day after
day after day
- here's what it means to live for Jesus Christ
even in the hard times
- here's what it means to want to be like Jesus
Christ even when those around don't love God
- here's what it means for God's strength to be
made perfect in weakness
- here's what it means to be submissive to
imperfect authority
- all of those are lessons that every child desperately needs
to learn
- those lessons can be taught powerfully in a home where
the believing spouse sees that situation - that crucible-
as an opportunity for effective ministry for God

- now I hope no one would leave the service thinking -
here's another example of the Lord being cruel, putting
heavy expectations on people

- nothing could be further from the truth
- Jesus said - if you know these things - happy are ye if you
do them
- the person who obeys these principles will have great joy
in Christ

- please don't say - well, you don't know what you're talking
about
- the Lord has made it possible for me not only to know this
from the Scripture, but also to know it experientially

- most of you know - my mom is a believer, my dad is not ( a
very moral man, hard-working, generous, always provided
for us well, etc) but not a believer
- someone might be tempted to say - "your poor mother"

- if my mom were here she'd say - "wait a minute"

1) that was a choice I made. No one forced my mom to marry
who she did. That was a choice she made. She'd be the
first to say that though she was a believer at that
time, she didn't make that decision using biblical
principles...but it was her decision and decisions have
consequences.

2) marriage is a covenant. Proverbs 2:17 tells us that
God views the marriage of two unbelievers as a
covenant before Him. Surely that’s true of two
believers, and its also true of a believer married to
an unbeliever.
- in the situation we're talking about tonight, God
views those marriage vows as a promise made before
Him - and my mom would say - I want to keep the
promise I made to my husband and to God.

3) She would also say this - there's great joy in
seeking to serve Jesus Christ in this situation.
- As she grew in her biblical understanding of this
situation, she had a choice to make:
that was - was she going to pout, and be bitter,
and proud, condescending, and all the rest

- or was she going to seek to serve Jesus Christ
and obey him where she was

- she chose the later, and my parents have a
wonderful marriage in a lot of ways
- and those who know my mom know that she's
anything but depressed and bitter.
- she's joyful and exuberant - she loves the Lord

- and I'm thankful today that I had the privilege to grow up
in that kind of home because:
1) I know that if my dad's going to be saved - he's in
the best situation possible to make that decision
2) I learned some lessons there and have some
convictions as a result I'm not sure I would have
learned anywhere else
- we said last week that this passage presents a very high
view on marriage (we'll see that again in a minute)
- I think we also need to say from what we've been studying
tonight - this passage places a very high view on
evangelism

- God says a believer ought to stay in that marriage if the
unbeliever wants it because its a great opportunity for
evangelism

- and I think all of us need to ask the question - do I view
the situations that I'm in with the same vision, and the
same intensity, and the same evangelistic fervor that Paul
is advocating here?
- or do I think - this world would be great,... community,
job, neighborhood, family, marriage would be great - if
it wasn't for all these unbelievers

- there's another principle we need to draw out of these
verses and it's this: Paul commanded believers married to
unbelievers who wanted to stay married to remain in that
relationship because

2. It's an opportunity to fulfill one of the
purposes of marriage

- a couple of weeks ago we listed several biblical
purposes of marriage
- we did that because we studied in the beginning
of this chapter that one of the purposes (not
the only, maybe not the even the first) of
marriage is to help our spouses maintain moral
purity

- now there's another purpose in these verses - that is - to
have a sanctifying effect on our mates

- we've talked about that from a salvation perspective, but
let's broaden that principle out and talk about it for
those of us who are believers married to unbelievers

- principle is this (triangle on board) we ought to have a
sanctifying effect on our mates

- in other words - it ought to be easier, more natural
for our spouses to love God, serve Him, obey His
word, do His will, achieve His purposes..
- it ought to be easier and more natural for our
spouses to live for God because they're married
to us

- these verses give this principle in the context of one mate
being an unbeliever - therefore its talking about
prospective sanctification
- but its also true of believers married to believers -
talking about progressive sanctification

- a good question for all of us to ask would be - what impact
do I have on my mate spiritually?
- Are they apt to be more godly or less godly because
they're married to me?

- sad thing is - some spouses who claim to be believers are
dead weight to their spouses' spiritual growth
- now that other spouse is responsible to grow
regardless
- but, we are responsible for the kind of impact we
have on the spiritual lives of others - and that
starts with our spouses

- Iron sharpens iron, and so a man the countenance
of his friend - Prov. 27:17

- see, what kind of impact do you have on your spouse
spiritually?
- if your spouses spiritual life was like a flower, is your
impact like a greenhouse, or like a desert?
- Is it like a cool spring rain, or a hot summer drought?

- a good question to ask your spouse tonight might be -
honey, what could I do to make it easier and more natural
for you to grow and please God?

III. God's Word To Believers Married To Unbelievers Who Want
To Leave

A. Meaning of "pleased to dwell"

- not a "pleasure to live with"

- talking about desertion

- talking about the spouse who's in and out the house
for weeks at a time
- talking about the spouse who's no longer interested
in a monogamous family relationship

- the person who has deserted the family and his/her
marital vows

B. Command

- let that person depart

- don't have to fight, manipulate, cajole

- want to communicate that you want the marriage,
that you're willing to make any biblical changes in
order to preserve the marriage, but - if he
departs, let him depart

C. Provision

- not under bondage (not under obligation to somehow
keep that marriage going)

- is now free to marry in the Lord

- because God has called us to peace

- Rom. 12:177ff