The Husband's Role, Part 2

Faith Church April 4, 2010 Ephesians 5:15-33


1. Last week we began a NEW PART of our series: Taking the Next Step with Joy: In the Role of the Husband”

- guys, my prayer (our prayer) ought to be that EVERY man who hears this teaching will step up to the plate and be a REAL MAN (like Jesus) and fulfill his role as a husband

Special Note: If you’re single, this is the kind of man you ought to be NOW or seeking to become this kind of man – you are laying the foundation for your future – you can build it on the “sand” and watch it crumble later . . . or build it on the “ROCK” (of truth) and endure the winds and the waves when they hit (and they WILL hit from time to time.

Q: Did you come with your helmet on, your bullet proof vest, and your steel-toed boots?

2. If we want our church to be strong . . . the men (all of us – men/women) have to “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might and put on the WHOLE armor of God” (Eph. 6:10-18) which include the ‘breastplate of righteousness’ and our ‘loins girded with truth’

> in this specific case, the TRUTH (God’s revealed Word) about the Role of the Husband!!

> and let’s be honest guys (and ladies), * Satan doesn’t like godly men!

Example: Look what he did to Jesus in the wilderness (tempted Him for 40 days/nights)

Example: Satan hates the church and he hates marriage (ultimately because he hates God – so anything God is for, Satan is against)

Point: We are in a spiritual battle and if we’re not prepared and fully ‘armored’ – we are going to get seriously injured or . . . killed (spiritually or physically)!

- and when you’re talking about a marriage, that impacts your wife, your children, extended family, friends, and . . . the CHURCH and ultimately . . . the GLORY OFGOD!

3. Ladies, I hope you are praying for your husband to ‘get this’ and TAKE THE NEXT STEP in fulfilling his responsibilities as godly husband

Note: Remember, your turn is next, so be careful what you SAY and the ATTITUDE you convey to your husband during this portion of our series!

> remember, you can make his role EASY & ENJOYABLE or you can make HARD & DISCOURAGING

Q: What did you learn from last week’s lesson? [various answers]

4. Remember, no matter where you are in your spiritual maturity, you still need to take the NEXT STEP of growth (progressive sanctification) in being more like Jesus Christ

  • It either STARTS today or it can CONTINUE today!
  • It’s going to take some effort on your part – but with the help of the Holy Spirit and the power of God’s Word . . . you can take that next step of growth!
  • 1 Timothy 4:7 Exercise yourself for the purpose of godliness

5. Remember our goal is to glorify God and to strengthen our marriages, families, and our church!

- NOTE the following ADDITION to what we’ve been saying…:

* Strong Christians and Strong Marriages and Strong Families = Strong Churches!

6. If FBC is going to be STRONG (growing, serving, outreach, bringing glory to God), we have to be strong in our relationship with Christ & have strong marriage relationships & strong families where:

  • Problems are being solved
  • Jesus Christ is the CENTER of attention – Matt. 6:33; Col. 1:18
  • The goal in life is please God by being like Jesus Christ – 2 Cor. 5:9; 1 Cor. 10:31

Testimony: Brian & Beth Nicholson – NOTE: We will do this every week – a different couple will share 1 or 2 biblical truths that have helped them in their marriage and/or a practical lesson that God has taught them that has helped their marriage

[OPEN your bibles to Eph. 5:15-33- READ]

- These passage not only address marriage in general, but also the role of the husband

- last week we studied the Husband’s Role as a LEADER – starting back in Genesis

I. The Husband Is to Lead His Wife – Gen. 1:26, 2:18-25; Eph. 5:23; Matt. 20:25-28

Q: What is the biblical foundation for the husband’s leadership? Where does all start?

1. The order of creation establishes his leadership – Gen. 1-2

- God created Adam first, then Eve

2. God declared the husband to be the leader – Eph. 5:23

  • Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

- and we were careful to point out a biblical view of the husband’s leadership –Matt. 20:25-28

1. What leadership is NOT: “lord it over them” (Gentile view) = a dictator!

2. What leadership IS: Leadership = Servitude (v. 26-27)

Quote: The test of our servitude is how you respond when you are treated like one.

* The greatest example of a leader is Jesus!

- if you lead the way He led, your marriage will be strong and God will be glorified!

- Now, lets focus on the 2nd most important role for the husband is . . .

II. The Husband Is to Love His Wife – Ephesians 5:25-33

  • Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. . . . 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies . . . 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.

- it might would seem more reasonable if Paul had only written: Husbands, love your wives!

- but it’s the next phrase that defines that love and clarifies our responsibilities : “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”

* 2 important observations:

1. This is a command: “Husbands love your wives. . . .”

- Men have a choice to obey or disobey God’s command & both come with consequences

- It’s easy for a man to say, “I love the Lord” – that’s great . . . so PROVE IT!

> in other words, let’s see the FRUIT or the EVIDENCE of your love for the Lord

> you demonstrate your love for the Lord by being obedient to the Lord!

- Remember John 14:15, Jesus said “if you love Me, you will keep My commandments”

2. This is a comparison on 3 levels:

Level #1: “just as Christ also loved the church” (foundational – starts HERE!)

- when Jesus said ‘follow me’ (Luke 9:23) that path led to the cross upon which He died for us because He loved us

- . . . and gave Himself up for her (a willingness/commitment to a torturous DEATH)

- you can’t do something like that is you are thinking selfishly – Jesus NEVER thought selfishly – He came to do the will of the Father Who sent Him to glorify the Father and to redeem us!

Q: What kind of sacrifices are you willing to make to show love for your wife?

Level #2: “as their own bodies

Q: What does that look like? What do you do to show love to your own body?

> you feed it, protect it, wash it, you take care of it when you are sick

POINT: Do you love your wife like that?

Level #3: “even as himself

- the 2nd greatest commandment uses this same phrase: Love your neighbor as yourself

- as each of us would look out for our own interest, look out for the interest of others

- in this case, specifically, YOUR WIFE!!


  • How many divorces would be avoided if a husband would think like this?
  • How many marriages/families would bring God glory if the husband would think and act like he is commanded in this passage?
  • How many children would have HOPE that they can have a godly marriage if DADDY would do what God tells him to in this passage?

3. Paul repeats the command three times for a husband to love his wife!

Q: Why would he do that?

1) Either the wife has a great need for her husband’s love

2) The husband has a great lack of giving love and needs to be reminded!

> guys, let’s be honest, sometimes (because of the curse of sin) we don’t “GET IT”

> so the Holy Spirit inspires Paul to REPEAT that same phrase 3 times!!

A. What are some wrong views of love?

1. Love is a feeling.

- One person said this: Love is a feeling that you feel when you are about to have a feeling that you’ve never felt before!

- While feelings are not intrinsically evil, they are cursed by sin and you cannot trust them

Q: How many times have you sinned because you made a decision based on your feelings?

- There is the principle: Good feelings usually follow right actions!

> but love is not first and foremost a feeling!

2. Love is sex.

- If you have sex with someone, you must love them

Q: How is that NOT true?

- in cases of adultery, that’s not love, it’s LUST

- if it were LOVE, it would be consist with 1 Corinthians 13 (and other passages)

  • “love does not seeks it’s own, love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth”

- But sex is reserved for the context of the marriage relationship; any type of fornication is NOT loving . . . but instead, it is LUSTING!

[explain: lusting is a strong desire – our desire may not be inherently wrong (to have sex with a member of the opposite sex) . . . but it has to take place within biblical boundaries that God has established [in MARRIAGE with one’s spouse!]

3. Love is weak.

- the world tends to think that if a guy is a real man, he won’t tell or act like he really cares about someone – he’s the tough guy!

- people ought to be doing things for YOU instead of you doing things for them

- the idea of ‘CONTROL’ is huge part of the world’s definition of ‘love’

4. Love is infatuation.

- We want to get married because we’re in luuuuuv!

- But neither person really understands the covenant relationship in marriage

- as in most cases, when the ‘infatuation’ is gone . . . so is the marriage

Q: Why do you think there are so many divorces?

> someone is not getting what they want

> the ‘infatuation’ wore off and the ‘commitment’ to the covenant walked out the door!

- there’s only one way to avoid that – embrace God’s definition of love!

B. What is the biblical definition of love?

- In the NT (Greek language), love was described in three different ways

  • eros = physical attraction (used in the context of sexuality)
  • philos = love between friends; brotherly love (used often in the scripture)
  • agape = unconditional love; self-sacrificing love; God’s love!

- this would be a good time to remember John 3:16:

  • John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Q: What are you willing to give – to sacrifice – to demonstrate your love for your wife?

* It’s God’s kind of love upon which a good marriage is built:

1) The love Christ displayed on the cross for us!

  • Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

[Explain the crucifixion process – it was very cruel]

2) Godly love is described in detail in 1 Cor. 13

[READ 1 Cor. 13:1-13 – discuss the various qualities as you read]

Q: Which characteristic of love do need to ‘take the next step’ of growth in love for your wife?

  • Ask the GUYS to list 2-3 – ask the WIFE to list 2-3 (see if they match!)

3) Key Quality: Emotions will come and go, but godly love ‘never fails’ (1 Cor. 13:8)

  • Song of Solomon 8:7 Many waters cannot quench love, nor will rivers overflow it.

[HANDOUT: 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife]

C. Who is the greatest example of love?

- We all know the response to that question: * Answer: Jesus Christ!

  • John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

- And that is exactly what Jesus did for us . . . He laid down His life for us, to redeem us!

> and if we are going to please God (bring glory to God) we have to be like His Son with whom He is well-pleased! (Matt.

* Godly Husbands think and act like Jesus Christ!

- in describing this process, God in Phil. 2 commands us to have ‘the mind of Christ’

- then thinking like Christ leads to ACTING like Christ (being a servant & willing to die!)

* Godly love is the real test of masculinity!

- we live in a culture that has a macho-type description of a man (tough guy)

- while a man does act like a man (he’s a leader), there is a biblical quality that should characterize a REAL MAN:

> that quality is GODLY LOVE!


Prayer Time:

  • Prayer for the men to be godly husbands who love their wife as Christ loved the church
  • Prayer for the ladies to be godly wife
  • Prayer for our marriages and families to grow stronger

D. What degrees of love are we to show?

1. First - I John 4:19

  • 1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us.

2. Most – John 15:13 “Greater love has no man than this . . .”

3. Sacrificially - Eph. 5:25

4. Unmistakably – I John 3:18

5. In spite of faults – Rom. 5:8

* Think about the rejection Jesus faced when He came to this earth:

  • Rejected by His own people, Israel
  • Rejected by His disciples (He even called them His friends – John 15:15)
  • Rejected by God Himself

6. Without bitterness – Col 3:19

7. As your own body – Eph. 5:28,29

Faith Church