The Husband's Role, Part 2

Faith Church April 4, 2010 Ephesians 5:15-33

Introduction:

1. Last week we began a NEW PART of our series: Taking the Next Step with Joy: In the Role of the Husband”

- guys, my prayer (our prayer) ought to be that EVERY man who hears this teaching will step up to the plate and be a REAL MAN (like Jesus) and fulfill his role as a husband

Special Note: If you’re single, this is the kind of man you ought to be NOW or seeking to become this kind of man – you are laying the foundation for your future – you can build it on the “sand” and watch it crumble later . . . or build it on the “ROCK” (of truth) and endure the winds and the waves when they hit (and they WILL hit from time to time.

Q: Did you come with your helmet on, your bullet proof vest, and your steel-toed boots?

2. If we want our church to be strong . . . the men (all of us – men/women) have to “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might and put on the WHOLE armor of God” (Eph. 6:10-18) which include the ‘breastplate of righteousness’ and our ‘loins girded with truth’

> in this specific case, the TRUTH (God’s revealed Word) about the Role of the Husband!!

> and let’s be honest guys (and ladies), * Satan doesn’t like godly men!

Example: Look what he did to Jesus in the wilderness (tempted Him for 40 days/nights)

Example: Satan hates the church and he hates marriage (ultimately because he hates God – so anything God is for, Satan is against)

Point: We are in a spiritual battle and if we’re not prepared and fully ‘armored’ – we are going to get seriously injured or . . . killed (spiritually or physically)!

- and when you’re talking about a marriage, that impacts your wife, your children, extended family, friends, and . . . the CHURCH and ultimately . . . the GLORY OFGOD!

3. Ladies, I hope you are praying for your husband to ‘get this’ and TAKE THE NEXT STEP in fulfilling his responsibilities as godly husband

Note: Remember, your turn is next, so be careful what you SAY and the ATTITUDE you convey to your husband during this portion of our series!

> remember, you can make his role EASY & ENJOYABLE or you can make HARD & DISCOURAGING

Q: What did you learn from last week’s lesson? [various answers]

4. Remember, no matter where you are in your spiritual maturity, you still need to take the NEXT STEP of growth (progressive sanctification) in being more like Jesus Christ

It either STARTS today or it can CONTINUE today!
It’s going to take some effort on your part – but with the help of the Holy Spirit and the power of God’s Word . . . you can take that next step of growth!
1 Timothy 4:7 Exercise yourself for the purpose of godliness

5. Remember our goal is to glorify God and to strengthen our marriages, families, and our church!

- NOTE the following ADDITION to what we’ve been saying…:

* Strong Christians and Strong Marriages and Strong Families = Strong Churches!

6. If FBC is going to be STRONG (growing, serving, outreach, bringing glory to God), we have to be strong in our relationship with Christ & have strong marriage relationships & strong families where:

Problems are being solved
Jesus Christ is the CENTER of attention – Matt. 6:33; Col. 1:18
The goal in life is please God by being like Jesus Christ – 2 Cor. 5:9; 1 Cor. 10:31

Testimony: Brian & Beth Nicholson – NOTE: We will do this every week – a different couple will share 1 or 2 biblical truths that have helped them in their marriage and/or a practical lesson that God has taught them that has helped their marriage

[OPEN your bibles to Eph. 5:15-33- READ]

- These passage not only address marriage in general, but also the role of the husband

- last week we studied the Husband’s Role as a LEADER – starting back in Genesis

I. The Husband Is to Lead His Wife – Gen. 1:26, 2:18-25; Eph. 5:23; Matt. 20:25-28

Q: What is the biblical foundation for the husband’s leadership? Where does all start?

1. The order of creation establishes his leadership – Gen. 1-2

- God created Adam first, then Eve

2. God declared the husband to be the leader – Eph. 5:23

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

- and we were careful to point out a biblical view of the husband’s leadership –Matt. 20:25-28

1. What leadership is NOT: “lord it over them” (Gentile view) = a dictator!

2. What leadership IS: Leadership = Servitude (v. 26-27)

Quote: The test of our servitude is how you respond when you are treated like one.

* The greatest example of a leader is Jesus!

- if you lead the way He led, your marriage will be strong and God will be glorified!

- Now, lets focus on the 2^nd most important role for the husband is . . .

II. The Husband Is to Love His Wife – Ephesians 5:25-33

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. . . . 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies . . . 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.

- it might would seem more reasonable if Paul had only written: Husbands, love your wives!

- but it’s the next phrase that defines that love and clarifies our responsibilities : “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”

* 2 important observations:

1. This is a command: “Husbands love your wives. . . .”

- Men have a choice to obey or disobey God’s command & both come with consequences

- It’s easy for a man to say, “I love the Lord” – that’s great . . . so PROVE IT!

> in other words, let’s see the FRUIT or the EVIDENCE of your love for the Lord

> you demonstrate your love for the Lord by being obedient to the Lord!

- Remember John 14:15, Jesus said “if you love Me, you will keep My commandments”

2. This is a comparison on 3 levels:

Level #1: “just as Christ also loved the church” (foundational – starts HERE!)

- when Jesus said ‘follow me’ (Luke 9:23) that path led to the cross upon which He died for us because He loved us

- . . . and gave Himself up for her (a willingness/commitment to a torturous DEATH)

- you can’t do something like that is you are thinking selfishly – Jesus NEVER thought selfishly – He came to do the will of the Father Who sent Him to glorify the Father and to redeem us!

Q: What kind of sacrifices are you willing to make to show love for your wife?

Level #2: “as their own bodies”

Q: What does that look like? What do you do to show love to your own body?

> you feed it, protect it, wash it, you take care of it when you are sick

POINT: Do you love your wife like that?

Level #3: “even as himself”

- the 2^nd greatest commandment uses this same phrase: Love your neighbor as yourself

- as each of us would look out for our own interest, look out for the interest of others

- in this case, specifically, YOUR WIFE!!

*APPLICATION:

How many divorces would be avoided if a husband would think like this?
How many marriages/families would bring God glory if the husband would think and act like he is commanded in this passage?
How many children would have HOPE that they can have a godly marriage if DADDY would do what God tells him to in this passage?

3. Paul repeats the command three times for a husband to love his wife!

Q: Why would he do that?

1) Either the wife has a great need for her husband’s love

2) The husband has a great lack of giving love and needs to be reminded!

> guys, let’s be honest, sometimes (because of the curse of sin) we don’t “GET IT”

> so the Holy Spirit inspires Paul to REPEAT that same phrase 3 times!!

A. What are some wrong views of love?

1. Love is a feeling.

- One person said this: Love is a feeling that you feel when you are about to have a feeling that you’ve never felt before!

- While feelings are not intrinsically evil, they are cursed by sin and you cannot trust them

Q: How many times have you sinned because you made a decision based on your feelings?

- There is the principle: Good feelings usually follow right actions!

> but love is not first and foremost a feeling!

2. Love is sex.

- If you have sex with someone, you must love them

Q: How is that NOT true?

- in cases of adultery, that’s not love, it’s LUST

- if it were LOVE, it would be consist with 1 Corinthians 13 (and other passages)

“love does not seeks it’s own, love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth”

- But sex is reserved for the context of the marriage relationship; any type of fornication is NOT loving . . . but instead, it is LUSTING!

[explain: lusting is a strong desire – our desire may not be inherently wrong (to have sex with a member of the opposite sex) . . . but it has to take place within biblical boundaries that God has established [in MARRIAGE with one’s spouse!]

3. Love is weak.

- the world tends to think that if a guy is a real man, he won’t tell or act like he really cares about someone – he’s the tough guy!

- people ought to be doing things for YOU instead of you doing things for them

- the idea of ‘CONTROL’ is huge part of the world’s definition of ‘love’

4. Love is infatuation.

- We want to get married because we’re in luuuuuv!

- But neither person really understands the covenant relationship in marriage

- as in most cases, when the ‘infatuation’ is gone . . . so is the marriage

Q: Why do you think there are so many divorces?

> someone is not getting what they want

> the ‘infatuation’ wore off and the ‘commitment’ to the covenant walked out the door!

- there’s only one way to avoid that – embrace God’s definition of love!

B. What is the biblical definition of love?

- In the NT (Greek language), love was described in three different ways

eros = physical attraction (used in the context of sexuality)
philos = love between friends; brotherly love (used often in the scripture)
agape = unconditional love; self-sacrificing love; God’s love!

- this would be a good time to remember John 3:16:

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Q: What are you willing to give – to sacrifice – to demonstrate your love for your wife?

* It’s God’s kind of love upon which a good marriage is built:

1) The love Christ displayed on the cross for us!

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

[Explain the crucifixion process – it was very cruel]

2) Godly love is described in detail in 1 Cor. 13

[READ 1 Cor. 13:1-13 – discuss the various qualities as you read]

Q: Which characteristic of love do need to ‘take the next step’ of growth in love for your wife?

Ask the GUYS to list 2-3 – ask the WIFE to list 2-3 (see if they match!)

3) Key Quality: Emotions will come and go, but godly love ‘never fails’ (1 Cor. 13:8)

Song of Solomon 8:7 Many waters cannot quench love, nor will rivers overflow it.

[HANDOUT: 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife]

C. Who is the greatest example of love?

- We all know the response to that question: * Answer: Jesus Christ!

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

- And that is exactly what Jesus did for us . . . He laid down His life for us, to redeem us!

> and if we are going to please God (bring glory to God) we have to be like His Son with whom He is well-pleased! (Matt.

* Godly Husbands think and act like Jesus Christ!

- in describing this process, God in Phil. 2 commands us to have ‘the mind of Christ’

- then thinking like Christ leads to ACTING like Christ (being a servant & willing to die!)

* Godly love is the real test of masculinity!

- we live in a culture that has a macho-type description of a man (tough guy)

- while a man does act like a man (he’s a leader), there is a biblical quality that should characterize a REAL MAN:

> that quality is GODLY LOVE!

Conclusion:

Prayer Time:

Prayer for the men to be godly husbands who love their wife as Christ loved the church
Prayer for the ladies to be godly wife
Prayer for our marriages and families to grow stronger

D. What degrees of love are we to show?

1. First - I John 4:19