The Husband's Role, Part 3

Faith Church April 10, 2010 Ephesians 5:15-33


1. We are deep into our series: Taking the Next Step with Joy: In the Role of the Husband #3

- we are going to finish up with the role of loving your wife as Christ loved the church!

- guys, my prayer (our prayer) ought to be that EVERY man who hears this teaching will step up to the plate and be a REAL MAN (like Jesus) and fulfill his role as a husband

Special Note: If you’re single, this is the kind of man you ought to be NOW or seeking to become this kind of man – you are laying the foundation for your future – you can build it on the “sand” and watch it crumble later . . . or build it on the “ROCK” (of truth) and endure the winds and the waves when they hit (and they WILL hit from time to time.

2. We know we are in a spiritual warfare, and Satan doesn’t want us to bring ANY glory to God

> in fact, he “walks about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour”

> so we have to be on the alert AND working hard to obey God’s Word

  • Read Psalm 119:9-11

Q: What did you learn from last week’s lesson on a husband loving his wife?

Q: What examples can you give of showing love to wife?

3. Remember our goal is to glorify God and to strengthen our marriages, families, and our church!

- NOTE the ADDITION to what we’ve been saying…:

* Strong Christians and Strong Marriages and Strong Families = Strong Churches!

6. If FBC is going to be STRONG (growing, serving, outreach, bringing glory to God), we have to be strong in our relationship with Christ & have strong marriage relationships & strong families where:

  • Problems are being solved
  • Jesus Christ is the CENTER of attention – Matt. 6:33; Col. 1:18
  • The goal in life is please God by being like Jesus Christ – 2 Cor. 5:9; 1 Cor. 10:31

Testimony: Jack & Joy Heim – NOTE: We will do this every week – a different couple will share 1 or 2 biblical truths that have helped them in their marriage and/or a practical lesson that God has taught them that has helped their marriage

[OPEN your bibles to Eph. 5:15-33- READ]

- These passage not only address marriage in general, but also the role of the husband

- last couple of weeks, we’ve studied 2 parts of the Husband’s Role in marriage – the 1st was:

I. The Husband Is to Lead His Wife – Gen. 1:26, 2:18-25; Eph. 5:23; Matt. 20:25-28

* The biblical foundation for the husband’s leadership is

(1) The order of creation (Gen. 1-2)

(2) God’s declaration of the husband being a leader to his wife (Eph. 5:23)

  • Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

- In Matt. 20:25-28 Jesus makes it clear that godly leaders are not a DICTATOR (Gentile view)

- instead, godly leadership is SERVITUDE (v. 26-27)

- Last week, we studied the 1st part of the Role of Loving Your Wife

II. The Husband Is to Love His Wife – Ephesians 5:25-33

- the command and a comparison is given to us in Eph. 5:25-33:

  • Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. . . . 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies . . . 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.

A. What are some wrong views of love?

B. What is the biblical definition of love?

  • agape = unconditional love; self-sacrificing love; God’s love!

1) The love Christ displayed on the cross for us!

2) Godly love is described in detail in 1 Cor. 13

Q: Which characteristic of love do need to ‘take the next step’ of growth in love for your wife?

  • Ask the GUYS to list 2-3 – ask the WIFE to list 2-3 (see if they match!)

3) Key Quality: Emotions will come and go, but godly love ‘never fails’ (1 Cor. 13:8)

C. Who is the greatest example of love?

- We all know the response to that question: * Answer: Jesus Christ!

D. What degrees of love are we to show?

1. First - I John 4:19

  • 1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us.

- Godly love starts with the husband – he is to set the pace of love in the home.

- When there is not enough love in this house, a place for husband to look is in the mirror.

> He can never say, “I’ve given and given and given until I can’t give any more.”

> Godly love is always willing to sacrifice a little bit more

- Some men complain: “But she doesn't want my affection.”

  • Is that because the only time you show it is when you want sex?
  • Love is more than sex.
  • How about showing deep affection and kindness without making any attempt to get her involved sexually?

2. Most – John 15:13 “Greater love has no man than this . . .”

- if you could hold a contest of who loved who the most, the husband should win every time because he is commanded to model His love after Christ’s love

Example: Howard Hendricks with a student who stated he loved his wife too much. He read Ephesians 5:25 and asked, “Do you love her more than that?” The student replied, “No sir.” Dr. Hendricks replied, “Then you better get with it.”

3. Sacrificially - Eph. 5:25

a. Give up your personal desires for her needs and desires.

1) Is it obvious to her that she is more important than you?

2) Will you die for her vs. live for her?

b. When is the last time you sacrificed something for your wife?

- Turn off TV, put down paper, and listen to her.

c. What priority does she and her desires have in your life?

4. Unmistakably – I John 3:18

“Love must be demonstrated in ways that can be interpreted.”

- the husband should show love in a way the WIFE thinks is loving, not just his ways

Cf. Homework assignment: 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife! (handout/review)

5. In spite of faults – Rom. 5:8

- It’s easy to love someone who loves you, is kind to you, agrees with you, or praises you

- But it’s hard to love someone who rejects you, treats you harshly, ridicules you, and maybe even hates you

Point: When your wife is failing, or she hurts you, or does something you don’t like, THAT is the time to show love to your wife!

Q: Why?

> Because that is the way God shows love to us . . . ‘while we were yet sinners’

Q: How are we as individuals describe BEFORE salvation?

> Terms used: enemies of the cross, aliens, fallen, depraved, separate from God, sinners, hostile, objects of wrath . . . (many more!)

* Think about the rejection Jesus faced when He came to this earth:

- the writer of Hebrews says it this way:

  • (NKJ) Hebrews 1:3 who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high.
    • Rejected by His own people, Israel
  • John 1:11 He came to His own, and those who were His own did not receive Him.
    • Rejected by His disciples (He even called them His friends – John 15:15)
  • Matthew 26:56 "But all this has taken place to fulfill the Scriptures of the prophets." Then all the disciples left Him and fled.
    • Rejected by God Himself
    • Matthew 27:46 About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, . . . "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

Important Question: Is Jesus Christ so important to you that you will love your wife as He loves you . . . even if she does not return it? Even if the changes you want to occur in her life never happen?

Point: God wants a husband to love his wife, not to get her to change so life is easier for you or life is the way you want it to be, but to show Christ’s love for the church!

6. Without bitterness – Col 3:19

Q: Why do people get bitter?

> Because they don’t get what they want – and God’s love is exactly the opposite of that mentality.

> God’s love is about GIVING, not GETTING!

* Apply this to the vows you made – it wasn’t to ‘get’ something, but to ‘give’

7. As your own body – Eph. 5:28,29

Q: What does a normal husband do in regards to his body?

> takes care of it, feeds it, clothes it, washes it, protects it, warms it up & cools it off, feeds it, seeks help when there are physical problems with the body, etc.

> that’s the way he is to love his wife

* The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19-20), so the husband needs to love his wife and take care of her in direct proportion to the way he would treat the temple of the Holy Spirit (his body)!

- The first two responsibilities are the predominant issues of a husband’s relationship to his wife – they are the ones mentioned most often throughout the Scriptures.

- This last command is one that will help a husband to fulfill the previous two roles given by God:

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