Responding to Criticism

Janet Aucoin November 19, 2021

Sometimes it feels like criticism comes from all around us. How can we humbly process and respond to the criticism leveled at us? Alexandra and Janet discuss how God’s view of us in Christ can help us to consider and respond to the critics in our lives from a biblical perspective.

Main Passage: Proverbs

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Transcript:

PDF Version

Resources:

Website

ACBC Counseling

Episode

Principles and Methods - Joyful Journey

Articles

Journal of Biblical Counseling (Specifically Biblical Alternative to Criticism by Lou Priolo [10-4], The Cross and Criticism [17-3])

Book

One with a Shepherd - Mary Somerville

Transcript:

Janet: I don't just need to feel better. I need the truth. And ultimately that will make me better.

Alexandra: I just want to make it as totally simple and no brainer as possible for ladies to see that the Bible is really applicable to their everyday life.

Jocelyn: When they understand theology, the application flows out of it quickly with joy.

Janet: It is a journey, but even the journey itself is joyful when I'm doing it, holding the hand of my savior and trusting him all along the way. This is the joyful journey podcast, a podcast to inspire and equip women to passionately pursue beautiful biblical truth on their journey as women of God. When you choose truth, you're choosing joy. Typically, I’ll be joined by either Jocelyn or Alexandra, but for our first full episode listen as all three of us discuss the topic of joy.

Janet: Welcome back once again. I'm here with Alexandra. And I just want to take a minute to let you know that this will be the last time for the foreseeable future that Alexandra will be here as an official cohost. I'm so thankful for the beautiful family God's given her, with five precious children, and she is making the best choice to have more time dedicated to them in this season. As things change in the future, we'll look forward to hearing more from her. And in the meantime, we're still going to hear her occasionally as a guest. But for today, I'm grateful for your heart, Alexandra, to help us think through biblically the subject of criticism. For almost all of us, it's something we shrink back from, and really don't want to think about.

Alexandra: It's true. So, first of all, I just want to say I've been super thankful for the opportunity to be on the podcast. It's been such a fun adventure.

Janet: Helping us get it going.

Alexandra: Yes. Yes. So super thankful for this opportunity and looking forward to focusing on my kids. But today, yeah, the episode today we're talking about is responding to criticism. So criticism, I don't know about you, but it's not something that I enjoy.

Janet: No way.

Alexandra: I would much rather be praised.

Janet: Of course.

Alexandra: And I was surprised. The Bible speaks a lot on this topic, on responding to criticism, speaks a lot on it. And it's actually a skill that we need to be disciplined in and grow in. So if we respond by how we naturally feel, it's not going to honor God. But because our emotions are shaped by what we think, we need to make sure that how we think about receiving criticism is in line with what God thinks. And so we need to know what scripture says about it. So I want to be super clear, before we get into this, on what this episode is about. It's focusing on our heart responses.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: So specifically the heart, if you are looking for how to specifically respond to your individual circumstance, this podcast is not for you.

Janet: Yes, but it could help you

Alexandra: Yes

Janet: in principle to get there.

Alexandra: Yes. That totally depends on your circumstances. So if you need help, please talk to your pastor or seek a biblical counselor. And we will include a link in our show notes on how to find a biblical counselor near you. And then also this is about responses. So it's not so much, we're not going to be talking about those who may struggle with a critical heart

Janet: And be the ones giving the criticism, you mean?

Alexandra: Yes.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: So if someone listening today struggles with a critical heart, or wonders if they are someone that may criticize unfairly, I recommend going back to our episode "Principles and Methods," because we had discussed that a lot of church strife can happen when we elevate our methods to the level of principle. And usually there's a level of a critical heart involved in that. And so that could be helpful to you if you are a critical person. And if you are someone that struggles with bitterness, maybe take some time to pray about, am I a critical person? Because I often see--

Janet: And especially if it's towards people in authority, or people that you're trying to do something for, and you always have the better way, or, yeah.

Alexandra: Yeah. Yeah. So I want to say upfront that I have not perfected this, responding perfectly to criticism. Okay. I'm growing in this. I have responded in very sinful ways, and I have responded to not so sinful ways, by God's grace. This is material where I can say with Paul in Philippians 3. He says in verse 12, "not that I've already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers" or my sisters, "I do not consider that I have made it my own, but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." So I'm growing in this and I hope that it's beneficial to your growth as well.

Janet: And I love that that's all God asks of us, is grow, run to him, keep growing, and now we're going to get an opportunity to grow some more.

Alexandra: There you go. So let's define criticism. This is a quote from Alfred Poirier. Al if I'm mispronouncing your last name, I apologize. He's from the Peacemaker Ministries. He defines criticism as any judgment made about you by another, which declares that you fall short of a particular standard. So when I think of criticism, I think that there's four different categories and it's based upon two different factors. Okay. The judgment of you, or we can say the assessment of your situation is either true or false.

Janet: Yup.

Alexandra: And then that judgment can be delivered gently or harshly or in a condemning way.

Janet: Yes.

Alexandra: So I think that gives us four categories and I'm going to go through them through the list and then we'll walk through each category and how scripture tells us we should respond to that. So the four different categories are the assessment of my situation is true by the person criticizing me, assessment is true and deliver gently.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: Second category is assessment is true, but delivered harshly. Third category is the assessment is false, but delivered gently.

Janet: Interesting.

Alexandra: Fourth category is the assessment is false and delivered harshly.

Janet: The hardest.

Alexandra: Yes. So let's talk first about the assessment is true and it's delivered gently. So first of all, I do not need to fear others' criticism of me because God is more critical of me than other people are actually. Romans 3:10 says that "no one is righteous, not even one." So when I agree with God's criticism of me, that frees me to accept criticism from other people humbly. So you and I already know the worst thing about me. I am so evil that I killed God.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: It was my sin that put Christ upon the cross. So nothing you can say to me is worse than that. So I don't need to fear criticism.

Janet: And I think sometimes when I am fearing it, especially when it's true and delivered gently, but I'm still struggling. It's a, an indicator that my identity is not just in the cross. It's somehow in who I am. And you have just attacked it. So it lets me know I've just moved my identity. Cause why is this bothering me so much? So that's good.

Alexandra: So true. That's a great warning light or red flag that my identity may be in the wrong place for sure. So the second thing we need to think about is I need criticism in my life. So I only not need to fear it. I need it. Jeremiah 17:9 says that "the heart deceitful above all things and desperately sick, who can understand it." So that includes me. I don't even understand the depth of how sick and deceitful my heart is. So, Janet, how do you think that we open ourselves up to correction or reproof that is unique within the local church?

Janet: I mean, that's interesting because you've already said we already, if we're part of a church and we're believers in Christ, we've already said I'm wicked and depraved. That's what got me in the door because I needed to come to Christ knowing that. And we're a family. So, there should be the love of a family behind that correction and reproof. So on the one hand, I'm not surprised I need reproof because that's why I needed a savior. I acknowledged that when I joined this family and if we actually love each other, then we should be expecting. That we're going to need to help each other. I should know that my heart is sinful and I'm easily deceived. We should be the first to recognize we need the help of others to be that mirror and show us the parts of our heart that we didn't even know were there.

Alexandra: So true. So I can respond to criticism as a wise person or as a fool.

Janet: And nobody wants to be a fool.

Alexandra: No, being teachable is considered to be a sign of wisdom. So I'm going to read off, I mean, there are so many passages in God's word that talk about this and I'm just going to list a few Proverbs 13:10 "pride leads to conflict. Those who take advice are wise." Proverbs 25:12 "to one who listens valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry." Proverbs 17:10 "a single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool." And I love this one, especially Proverbs 13:31 and 32. If you-

Janet: Proverbs 15.

Alexandra: Excuse me. Yes. I'll take that criticism. "If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you'll only harm yourself. But if you listen to correction, you grow an understanding." So man, Lord, please help us to crave wisdom more than desiring to be praised.

Janet: Amen.

Alexandra: When others gently correct me, it brings the friendship deeper than the surface. Proverbs 2: 6 says "faithful are the wounds of a friend" and Proverbs 9:8 says "don't bother correcting mockers because they will only hate you, but correct the wise and they will love you." So, Janet, how have you seen this concept of allowing others to gently correct me and how that brings the friendship to a deeper level? How have you seen this played out in your own life?

Janet: Boy as I think about that. I especially see that with my husband. I mean, he is my closest friend and he sees sin more in my life than anyone else is going to see. And then he gets the dubious privilege of helping me see it. I don't always want to see it, but when it's done out of love for me, I can except it as that. And it deepens us it's then an opportunity for me to be exposed because nobody likes to be exposed in their sin, but when I'm exposed and accepted and helped, then my love for him grows and my trust in him grows. And I've absolutely seen that in lesser degrees with other friendships of mine, when a friend has an opportunity to correct me. And I know that even though my sinful heart was just exposed and they needed to help me, they're not judging me. And when that happens, it really bonds us.

Alexandra: It does. And, you know, I find that I trust people more. Like when I know, okay, they saw something in me and they had a hard, but loving conversation with me about areas where I'm failing and I'm in sin, you know, then it just brings this trust that-

Janet: Yes, cause that was integrity. And that was thinking of you more than their comfort of not wanting to talk about it.

Alexandra: Exactly. And then I can rest knowing they're not secretly hating me or anything, or like judging me. Like I know that okay, when I am doing something wrong, they'll talk to me about it. and it brings-

Janet: Yes, I don't have to wonder,

Alexandra: it brings a security to the friendships, so. Funny God's word is true. Okay. So the second category is when the assessment is true, but delivered harshly. So Janet, would you read this example of David in 2 Samuel 16 verses 5 through 13.

Janet: Absolutely. As king David came to Bahurim, a man came out of the village cursing him. It was Shimei, son of Gera from the same clan as Saul's family. He threw stones at the king and the king's officers and all the mighty warriors who surrounded him. "Get out of here, you murderer, you scoundrel." He shouted at. "The Lord is paying you back for all the bloodshed of- in Saul's clan. You stole his throne and now the Lord has given it to your son Absalom. At last, you will taste some of your own medicine for you're murderer." " Why should this dead dog curse my Lord, the king," Abishai son of Zeruiah demanded. "Let me go over and cut off his head." "No," the king said, "who asked your opinion, you sons of Zeruiah? If the Lord has told him to curse me, who are you to stop him?" Then David said to Abishai and to all his servants, "my own son is trying to kill me. Doesn't this relative of Saul have even more reason to do so. Leave him alone and let him curse for the Lord has told him to do it. And perhaps the Lord will see that I'm being wronged and will bless me because of these curses today." So David and his men continued down the road and Shimei kept pace with them on a nearby hillside. Cursing and throwing stones and dirt at David.

Alexandra: So delivered harshly is probably an understatement here.

Janet: Yeah, for sure.

Alexandra: And you know, God used people who delivered it harshly, delivered it sinfully, he used that in biblical times to reprove his people. And so it should not surprise us if God still does that today.

Janet: And that's so good. Cause we can think, I can't believe you could talk to me even if what you said is true, I get to dismiss it because of how you said it.

Alexandra: Exactly. Exactly. And I think that's the hardest part about this category is that the easy response is defensiveness.

Janet: Yes.

Alexandra: But when I'm defensive, I am more focused on justifying or defending myself. But when I rest in Christ's justification of me, meaning that God is not looking at me at how good or bad I am. He sees me through the lens of Christ's perfection. I can be free to take a good look at myself without feeling condemned because Romans 8:1 says, "there is no condemnation for those who belong in Christ Jesus." So I can live in this reality and not feel defensive when I'm attacked. So I think kind of what you said earlier, Janet, is that when someone is delivering criticism harshly, it can be really easy to focus on the delivery.

Janet: Yes.

Alexandra: And I need to be more critical of myself than I am of others. This means I should not be critical of the delivery in which this person gave me criticism. If we're so caught up with the way that criticism is delivered, we will for sure miss an opportunity to grow, to be more like Christ. And God may be using this harsh circumstance to drive you back to his word.

Janet: Oh, that's so true. Our first response needs to be, how do I get the log out of my own eye? And I have to say that's supernatural. It is very natural to say here you are trying to criticize me while you're talking sinfully as you do it. So I don't have to listen to you. That's natural. But supernatural, I hear our, former pastor, Pastor Goode, used to say, look for the 5% of truth first.

Alexandra: That's good. Yeah.

Janet: And anytime you have criticism, look for the 5% of truth and there may be more, but it's so easy for us.

Alexandra: There may be less. Maybe 1%.

Janet: Yeah. But look for that first. And then, if the person criticizing you is a Christian, there may be a time for you to gently rebuke or help that person, but only when your desire is to love them and to help them give a good account too. You need to go in the manner that you were telling them they should have gone.

Alexandra: Yeah.

Janet: So they should come to me out of love and sometimes it gets mixed with other stuff cause their feet of clay like me. So-

Alexandra: Galatians 6:1 "gently restore."

Janet: Yes. And typically that's not in the same conversation when you receive the rebuke. What you're doing right now is looking for any truth in it, walk away, and that gives you time to sort out your own motives and to seek counsel for your specific circumstances on whether or not you should go back.

Alexandra: Excellent. Excellent. So, yeah, I think that the main thing that we need to come away with this is remembering, you know, just because it's delivered harshly doesn't mean it's not true.

Janet: Yes, and I can't learn from it.

Alexandra: Exactly. Because it happened in scripture. It will happen today. I guarantee it. Okay. The third assessment is the assessment is false, but delivered gently. So, Proverbs 12:15 "fools think their own way is right, but the wise listens to others." So, Janet, what do you think it looks like to have a listening ear, even if you immediately may not agree with the person criticizing you?

Janet: Well, I think part of it goes back to what we just talked about. Not being quick to defend myself, because if they're saying it and they're saying it kindly, and so when I hear delivered gently, I'm even thinking they're motives are that they want to help me. They're just wrong. So I don't want to be quick to defend myself. I want to be listening. And my first thought again, supernaturally, should be thank you Lord, for a friend who desires my good and is willing to do something hard because they've come to me gently. So then I want to listen. I should paraphrase, ensure that I understand the reproof because maybe if I understood it more, maybe they're not wrong. But maybe I misunderstood. So, here's my humility. I'm going to make sure I understand why do you think that? What caused you to think that? I should express gratitude? Thank you for coming to me. Not gossiping, not getting bitter, but coming to me gently, and I want to be slow to respond. But I'm not, I'm also not going to say. You're right. What I could honestly say is I don't really see that right now, but I'm committed to praying about it.

Alexandra: Yeah. That's excellent. Janet. You're really wise. Even if you're thinking, you know, this doesn't seem to be accurate, still listen.

Janet: Yep.

Alexandra: Still have a humble view of yourself, seek counsel and just pray a ton about it. So when we're criticized, we always need to go to our Bible and plead with God to help us see if there is truth to the accusation. Even if immediately you're like, well, that's not, no,

Janet: that's not what I was doing.

Alexandra: Exactly. And I think something that's helpful for me is when I receive, a criticism that I don't immediately think, oh, I don't think that's accurate. Look at your closest relationships. For me, that's my relationship to my husband. And then to my children, if I'm being criticized for something and it is accurate. I will most assuredly see it displayed in how I treat my husband and my kids.

Janet: Wow. Very good.

Alexandra: So if you're single, look at your relationships with your parents, your siblings, your roommates, or closest friends. If you're married with your husband or kids, this is a great litmus test to see maybe there is a habitual sin or foolishness in my life that I just don't see that's a great place to look.

Janet: I would also say. Those are the people that if you're really humble and brave, you'll ask them.

Alexandra: Yes. Yes. That's a great point. That's a really hard...

Janet: because they... it is hard, but again, these are people on my team. Don't go ask people who want what's bad for you. These are people on your team. Hey, this was said, do you see that?

Alexandra: That's such a good point. Okay. So the last category we're going to spend a little bit more time on this one is when the assessment is false and it's delivered harshly. So, I live in an urban neighborhood, my husband and I do missional living. So think like little mini missionaries in an urban neighborhood. And, if you are not familiar with urban neighborhoods, there is no filter when people talk to you. So I'm going to give, just a little silly example. So I have five kids, five years old, and under. Three of them, are in diapers.

Janet: I'm already overwhelmed.

Alexandra: So we have a diaper genie, and the diaper genie has bright, like bright blue bags and our trash can is right... you know, I have to go out the front door and then throw it in the garbage. So I can't even tell you how many times a week. I am walking outside with...

Janet: a full

Alexandra: full bag of diapers and it's bright blue. And, someone in my neighborhood saw me walking outside. And I have to be honest, changing diapers is not my favorite part of...

Janet: No way. That's not why you had children.

Alexandra: Parenting. And I do it lovingly, but is not something that I get excited about. And someone in my neighborhood saw me taking out a blue bag of diapers and they said, wow, they should name a landfill after you. And I just thought.

Janet: Ouch.

Alexandra: I was like, all right, Karen. That's not really her name, but I was like, oh, okay. And so sometimes you just have to laugh, right? It's just false assessment delivered harshly. I have to change my kids diapers.

Janet: Right.

Alexandra: I'm sorry that it offends you, but this is what I have to do. So sometimes, you know, you just have to laugh at the accusations. But I will tell you being a leader in ministry, it's rare when we receive false assessments delivered harshly, but when it does happen, it can be quite painful.

Janet: Yes.

Alexandra: We have had people stand in front of us and tell us that when my husband preaches, the Holy Spirit is not in the room.

Janet: Oh, I'm so sorry.

Alexandra: We've had people say that we have forsaken the gospel in how we specifically do ministry. So, yeah, like I said, sometimes you just have to laugh at other times, other circumstances, they are bitter circumstances where I may even need to lament.

Janet: Yes.

Alexandra: But a verse that I was even rehearsing this to myself last night, and this morning, Lamentations 3:37, "who has spoken it and it came to pass unless the Lord has commanded it." God is still completely sovereign over what that person said. If he did not want me to hear it, then he wouldn't have allowed it. So I believe he still wants us to grow from those circumstances. It just may not be in the way that the critical person believes that I need to grow.

Janet: And I think that gives such hope because it feels like I am the victim of someone being unjust and harsh. And while it is painful. God is up to something good, even in that. In the past, when I've watched this happening in my husband's life and I battled. I can remember recognizing I have been praying that God would continue to deepen my husband in humility, not because he was horribly proud, but because when you're a pastor and up in front of people, that's a protection for his soul. So praying that God would humble him. And I thought I'm watching you answer my prayer and I'm mad at the method. So God is still using it. You're right. I've had to deal with those things. I have what I call my truthcard. And I make these cards, where typically I have a scripture passage on the front and then on the back, some of my thoughts and I have Psalm 37:3- 7 on my card. That's been helpful for me either when I'm being spoken about unjustly and harshly, or even more so when it's my husband or my loved one, or you claws come out when it's my kids, you know? So I'm going to read my card and then kind of tell you how I use this. "Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust in him and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn and the justice of your cause will shine like the Noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord. Wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes." Here's what I did with that. I went through that and I circled in one color, everything that's my responsibility in that passage. And then I circled in another color, all the things that are God's responsibility. So my responsibility: Janet, trust, do good, take delight in the Lord, commit everything to the Lord, trust him, be still, wait, don't worry. That's my responsibility. Here's what God says he will do. I'll make you live safely and prosper. I'll give you your heart's desires. I'll help you. I'll make your innocence radiate. I will make the justice of your cause shine. And I love that, because when I am falsely accused in a harsh way, I want justice and I believe it is my job to make that happen. But this passage makes it clear. That's not my job. I got to get busy doing good and trusting and taking delight in committing and being still and waiting, and God is responsible for my reputation. And that has really helped me. So just to think about, when you're close to someone in a marriage, someone you've invested in greatly, your husband, your children, or others, just remember, that's going to be even harder, but God is at work for the good of their souls too. Not just me. And just want to say, as an aside, if you're in a marriage experiencing this with your spouse, where there's false accusations, harshly, given a false assessment delivered harshly, can I just remind you, you do have a shepherd, your pastor, who can help you navigate that. It is never unbiblical to go to your pastor for help. So I would encourage you to do that, but let me read to you the back of my card. Here's what I wrote after I circled all those things from Psalm 37, God, whatever's happening. This is from you. My privilege is to trust you, to be faithful and do good, and to trust you with the results. I will joyfully represent your values. I will love to my own hurt. I will rejoice that you're with me, love me, and require all that you allow into my life to work for my soul's good. And that helps me wrestle my soul down to trust God, even in these situations.

Alexandra: Oh, so much goodness, in what you just said. And I think my favorite parts of those verses are that he will make your innocence radiate like the dawn. He will take care of us.

Janet: Yes, that's right.

Alexandra: He'll take care of your loved ones and don't worry. I mean, that's just like, it's beautiful. I love it. to be honest with our listeners today, I asked Janet to read that today because she has had to counsel me. And that is like one of my favorite things that I found to be so helpful. when I have experienced criticism or my husband has experienced criticism in this category. So, yeah, such a beautiful passage. There was a situation where my husband and me, because I'm his wife, we were receiving quite a bit of criticism and my senior pastor knew about it. And he asked me one time how I was doing. And I was honest with him that it had been going on for a while and I just felt really raw.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: And his shepherding advice was that receiving criticism that is not based on truth from God's word. It is painful. And we need to acknowledge that before the Lord. And that's where lament comes in. but don't let it control me.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: And I needed to hear this because it's easy for me to obsessive really think on stuff like this, to think too much too often on the harsh criticism.

Janet: Or what I could say differently. How could I get them to see? How could I get them to... it's like, that's not my job.

Alexandra: Yes. Yes. Something that I have found to be really helpful is the reminder that God is the only one who we need to please. Whether it's in leading ministry or in any area of my life. First Thessalonians 2 verses 4 and 6, "for, we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the good news. Our purpose is to please God and not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. As for human praise. We have never sought it from you or anyone else." And so this may mean. After a time of prayer and reflection and really seeking wisdom on, is this criticism true? Maybe we need to not listen to the criticism that is ungrounded by scripture or extra biblical.

Janet: Yeah.

Alexandra: And what I mean by extra biblical is, if someone, you know, going back to our principles episode, if someone has elevated a method up to the level of...

Janet: or preference.

Alexandra: Yes. Yes. And they think it's a morality issue when God's word would not support that. And they think you are immoral for not doing that too. That's what I mean by extra biblical.

Janet: I love, you know, the fact that God is the only one we need to please, that could seem burdensome because he's perfect. But the reality is he's actually a whole lot easier to please than the rest of you people. Cause he never changes his mind. He's always out for my good, he's always very clear. He's always right. And he's always so gracious. So like isn't that awesome that don't have to wonder. He's told me what pleases him and when I don't please him, he's told me, run back. Let me help you. So it's not a burden to only please God. It is so freeing.

Alexandra: Yup. And I love in Hebrews it talks about God's throne is the throne of grace and we can come back to him and know that we're not condemned Romans 8:1. And so, something that we should all do in these circumstances is really pray for the love of Christ to flow through us in how we respond. As a conclusion, I want us to end with Psalm 141: 5. Let's pray that our hearts reflect David's in this verse. It says, "let the godly strike me. It will be a kindness. If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Do not let me refuse it." So some application we can ask ourselves, am I defensive when others give me criticism? Am I more concerned about the delivery of the person criticizing me, or am I more concerned about an area where someone might see things that I need to grow in? Am I more critical of others than I am of myself?

Janet: Wow.

Alexandra: So I need to pray that God allows me to love wisdom more than my own honor, and that means I have to rehearse truths of the gospel regularly. When my identity is in Christ, I am secure and free to hear criticism without anger or despair.

Janet: Excellent.

Alexandra: So, some resources for you guys. We're going to link ACBC how to find a biblical counselor near you. We'll link the Principles and Methods episode that I've referred to. A lot of what I share today, I found two articles from the Journal of Biblical Counseling to be really helpful, "Biblical Alternative to Criticism" by Lou Priolo and "The Cross and Criticism." And those are not available to you guys, but if you wanted to purchase the Journal of Biblical Counseling, we can link that for you guys. And if you are a pastor's wife who has received a lot of criticism or your husband has, One with a Shepherd by Mary Somerville has also been a really excellent tool for me.

Janet: It's a great book. Excellent. Excellent. Well, thank you, Alexandra. This is a topic that most of us don't enjoy. Look for ways to not have to deal with and believe we have an excuse for responding poorly, but you've, I believe, given us a lot to think about and a lot of hope that God is at work in that. And all of it is designed to help me look more like Jesus. So thank you for that. And thank you for listening and we hope you'll join us for our next episode.



Janet Aucoin

Bio

Janet is the Director of Women's Ministries at Faith Church (Lafayette, IN); ACBC certified; teacher in Faith Community Institute; Coordinator of FBS seminary wives fellowship, retreat and conference speaker; B.S. Human Resources, University of South Florida.