Posture of Problem Makers vs Problem Solvers

If you have your Bibles please turn to Eph. 4:31-32. That is on page _____ in the back section of your Bible’s under the chair in front of you. And as you are turning there, let me ask you…

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you were convinced they were in a certain emotional condition by what they were saying and how they were saying it…and when you asked them about it…they denied it?

For example, you saw someone yelling at the car in front of them. They said words that you were not going to repeat in the church house.

Frankly, you were embarrassed to even be near them as they said such things…

And when you pointed out that they were, in your opinion, sinfully angry…they said they were not.

“Josh…I think your anger toward this driver is sinful…”

“Angry? I’m not angry…I’m just trying to help this driver in front of me understand that the manners in which he is driving is not best practice.”

Or perhaps, as a friend talked to you about a situation, you began to detect what you though was bitterness and malice in the hearts. After a few questions, you were certain…there was sin.

But, like the car driving analogy…when you confronted them on what you believed was bitterness and malice,

“Oh me, I don’t have bitterness and malice for them. I just hope that all of life turns against them and that they get what they deserve…it’s only fair. After all…God is a God of justice.”

My point is, I think that we have all had situations where we could see the heart of a person flowing out into their words and attitudes when it came to solving issues.

Today’s passage is going to focus on that particular dynamic. We are going to be talking about The Posture of Problem Makers versus Problem Solvers. I believe with our time, we will have some very objective ways to measure are we a problem solver…or maker? And if so…what do we need to do about it?

This summer we have been studying the topic of Handling Criticism.

It’s been an important conversation since we all face criticism in our lives.

We have tried to separate what we are talking about from the good and right criticism that is due. We have been primarily focused on the sinful type of criticism.

Today, will actually be helpful for us in determining how do we know if the words that are coming out of our mouth, and the dispositions of our hearts fall into that category of sinful criticism.

We are going to look at Eph. 4:31-32 as we consider 2 Steps to Guide Us when Dealing with Criticism.

Our text finds itself in a larger section that is talking about what does it look like to practically live like a Christian. We see that process of putting off the old man, renewing our mind, and putting on the new man in verses 22-24 in our passage where Paul writes…

[Read Eph. 4:22-24]

What we see in our text that we are studying today…is that process described by what we need to do. Meaning, he told us…you need to do that…now he will give us a list of things to put off and put on.

It’s not an exhaustive list. Meaning, if you just put off these things and put on these…you will be good to go. Rather, it is more representative of the types of things…and at that, things which commonly need to be put off if you are going to be a Christian.

[Read Eph. 31-32]

Our text is not particularly long this morning, nor is it too complex, but what we can see from our short text this morning is that there is a distinct….

I. The Posture of a Problem Makers

In our passage, in verse 31, we have six different descriptions, particular words, but really five different dynamics. We’ll examine anger and wrath together.

What I would like to do with our first section here is to examine these words and ideas, showing how the scripture thinks about them, and then at the end of this point, to consider how we can put these things off…and why.

The first one is we are told to not have a heart of

Bitterness.

Our Bible dictionary defines it as: a state of sharp, intense resentment or hate

Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 763.

While the particular Greek word here is not used very frequently in the NT, we see bitter persons all over the Bible, perhaps most famously in the story of Ruth, when Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law, tells Ruth to not call her by her given name, but by Mara, the Hebrew word for bitter…saying…

“She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. “I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?”” (Ruth 1:20–21, NASB95)

Naomi’s conclusion was that the Lord was treating her harshly, he was dealing with her in a way that demonstrated hatred toward her. Of course as the story would unfold, that would be shown to not be true, but from her current vantage point, that was all she could see.

There are some unique aspects to bitterness

1. Bitterness normally is a result of actions done “against you”

I put “against you” in quotations, because just like the story of Naomi…it is in your interpretation of the situation that your bitterness finds fertile ground. You view that something has been done against you.

There are examples of when persons in the Bible is classified as bitter. For example, in Hebrews 12 we are warned against allowing bitterness to spring up, like it did with Esau in the selling of his birthright for a single meal.

“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.” (Hebrews 12:15–17, NASB95)

1. Bitterness poisons the person who possess it.

When we are bitter, we tend to think that we are somehow getting vengeance on the other person…or something like that…but in reality, its destruction is more often done against the person who possess bitterness far more.

You probably can relate to that in your own experience. When you have had a bitterness at a person, and perhaps they did not even know that you were bitter at them. It consumed you, it ate at you. It distorted your reality.

Probably the clearest evidence of this dynamic is Saul being drove mad at his intense hatred of David. He was so bitter and angry that folks liked David, sung his praises more, that it eventually lead to his downfall.

But the text also tell us to put off

Wrath and Anger

Generally when we think of wrath, we think of God. Wrath is the pouring out of anger, and anger is generally that internal state that we see within us.

Now, it’s important to note that anger and wrath are not themselves that are sinful within themselves.

We see that Christ was angry

“After looking around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored.” (Mark 3:5, NASB95)

And we see God’s wrath on sin talked about in scripture. Generally, God’s wrath is the pouring out of his angry on sinful man because of their rebellion of God.

It is largely since Christians have stopped talking about God’s wrath on sin, that Christianity has lost much of it’s potency.

For the Christian, they do not fear God’s wrath because Christ bore that wrath on the cross.

But the type of anger and wrath that we are being told to put off, the wrong type…that is not what our text is describing.

We actually see a great depiction of this evil wrath being poured out at a great conversion event.

When the folks of Ephesus were repenting and turning to Christ…just notice what was happening….

“Many also of those who had believed kept coming, confessing and disclosing their practices. And many of those who practiced magic brought their books together and began burning them in the sight of everyone; and they counted up the price of them and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver.” (Acts 19:18–19, NASB95)

And the response by the community when they saw what was happening?

“When they heard this and were filled with rage, they began crying out, saying, “Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!”” (Acts 19:28, NASB95)

It should not surprise us that the world responded in expression of anger when they saw the Gospel go forward…in many ways, that has not changed even today.

But, if angry is not automatically sinful…then when does it become wrong?

Anger becomes sinful when it is focused around

1. Your Kingdom and Your Rights, Not God and His Kingdom

1. Lack’s the Fruit of the Spirit.

Meaning, when you are angry, and it is all about you…not about God…then it is sinful. And it is wrong, when the only tool that you have in your tool belt is angry. Robert Jones puts it well when he says….

“Righteous anger remains self-controlled. It keeps its head without cursing, screaming, raging, or flying off the handle. Nor does it spiral downward in self-pity or despair. It does not ignore people, snub people, or withdraw from people. Instead, righteous anger carries with it the twin qualities of confidence and self-control. Christlike anger is not all-consuming and myopic but channeled to sober, earnest ends. Godly strains of mourning, comfort joy, praise, and action balance it.— (Robert Jones, Uprooting Anger, 30)

We are also instructed to put off

Clamor

This particular word gets defined as a:

the sound of a loud scream or shout—‘cry, shout, scream

Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 398.

We don’t use the word clamor too much in English…which is in part why the NIV would translate this word in our passage as “Brawling.” That might help you when you see how this particular word gets highlighted in our supporting passage when Paul is on trial for the Faith…standing up for God….See if you can spot our word in the text…

“As he said this, there occurred a dissension between the Pharisees and Sadducees, and the assembly was divided... And there occurred a great uproar; and some of the scribes of the Pharisaic party stood up and began to argue heatedly, saying, “We find nothing wrong with this man; suppose a spirit or an angel has spoken to him?” And as a great dissension was developing, the commander was afraid Paul would be torn to pieces by them and ordered the troops to go down and take him away from them by force, and bring him into the barracks.” (Acts 23:7–10, NASB95)

Things had to get pretty bad if the Roman commander had to remove Paul because the trial had devolved so bad…that he wasn’t sure he could keep Paul safe.

The picture is really just of a shouting match. It’s when that anger, wrath, and bitterness is on full display for all to see…and well…things are getting pretty ugly.

The text also tells us to put off…

Slander

You might be able to hear the Greek word and deduce pretty quickly what the word means….the Greek word is blasphemy…

We tend to associate, today, that word with speaking something that is untrue about God…but the idea for the original reader was…

to speak against someone in such a way as to harm or injure his or her reputation

Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 433.

See if you can pick up our word in this passage as it not only is in here, but also illustrates what we are talking about…

“And those passing by were hurling abuse at Him, wagging their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save Yourself! If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” In the same way the chief priests also, along with the scribes and elders, were mocking Him and saying, “He saved others; He cannot save Himself. He is the King of Israel; let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe in Him. “He trusts in God; let God rescue Him now, if He delights in Him; for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’ ”” (Matthew 27:39–43, NASB95)

They were hurling abuses at him….

You can see how that dynamic played out vividly there.

Lastly, our text talks about putting off…

Malice

a feeling of hostility and strong dislike, with a possible implication of desiring to do harm

Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 763.

You can see how these things are starting to run together a bit. You can see how the bitterness, anger, wrath, clamor is all so closely related to one another…often when you have one…you have the other too.

They sort of build on each other…they compound…and when present in the children of God…lead to us becoming the type of persons that we should not become.

Now that we know what we are talking about…and we can see what it is that God is calling us to put off as we become renewed in our minds…the logical question is…well, how do I do that.

Part of that will put putting something in its place…we have to do that…

““Now when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it. “Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came’; and when it comes, it finds it unoccupied, swept, and put in order. “Then it goes and takes along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first. That is the way it will also be with this evil generation.”” (Matthew 12:43–45, NASB95)

So, we have to put something in it’s place…we can’t just put off…we have to put on…

Remember in our first text, Eph. 4:23…we were told to renew our mind. That means a few things.

First, we have to be honest about these tendencies when they are in our heart. It doesn’t do us any good to pretend…I’m not angry…when you are angry.

It doesn’t do you any good to claim, “I’m not bitter” when everyone around you can see that you are bitter.

Second, our text mentions that you will need to renew your mind…meaning, you are going to have to change the way that you think.

Meaning, not only will we have to, when we encounter problems, will we have to be honest with what is in our hearts…we are going to have to change what we believe…what we think.

Our thinking needs to be informed; it needs to be shaped by God’s word. We all have a propensity to turn narratives over in our minds. To rehearse stories and then to cling to those narratives.

We will justify our anger, defend our bitterness, excuses our expressions of sin…and the first thing we must do as we change these things…is our mind needs to be saturated with God’s word…as we are guided and convicted by the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes scholars call this meditation on God’s word…no don’t think of sitting in a pretzel formation on your floor chatting “uummmm”

“Meditation is the activity of calling to mind, and thinking over, and dwelling on, and applying to oneself, the various things that one knows about the works and ways and purposes and promises of God. It is an activity of holy though, consciously performed in the presence of God, under the eye of God, by the help of God, as means of communion with God.” (J.I. Packer, Knowing God. Page 23)

So, here is my encourage for you, as you seek to not be the problem solver when criticism arises.

When you notice in your heart that the words that we have studied come rushing to you…pause and meditate on God’s word. Don’t be like the fool and his quick-tempered attitude that is so often discussed in proverbs

“A fool’s anger is known at once, ...” (Proverbs 12:16, NASB95)

When you detect these things…seek to renew your mind through meditation on God’s word.

That might also mean, that as you are being honest, that you have come prepared for the battle. The armor of God works best when it is already on.

If you hope to win the battle with these various heart dynamics that we have been discussing, having thought about and planned for how you will win the battle might be the most important thing you do this week.

It might be wise to do that with a friend, a spouse, or even a book. But if we are to be problems solves not makers, that might require a bit of planning on our part.

Another step might be seeking out a community that can keep you accountable.

As we exit the summer season, I would encourage everyone here to be thinking about their own spiritual community.

Is there a person in your life that, when they see you acting the way we have been talking about this morning, would come along side of you and call you to repentance?

If they see you displaying bitterness, would someone here know you enough, have spent time with you, to identify that and speak into your life?

It may be worth considering, do I need to get into a Faith Group, or for our college students a bible study?

As I mentioned, the text tells us what we should be seeking to put on. Just like the list we studied, it's not an exhaustive list, but a representative one…things that we need in order to have the

II. Posture of a Problem Solver

And what we see is we are to be:

Kind

While it may be a small word, but it is packed with meaning

to provide something beneficial for someone

Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 749.

In fact, one very important verse that describes God’s actions and attitude towards us uses this very word. While the dictionary may be a bit of a bland definition…

“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4, NASB95)

Much of what the opposite of the things that we discussed above is kindness.

This kindness of the Lord is not something that is just an attitude toward folks, it is an action that spills out. God’s kindness leads to action.

Namely, we see this by him sending Christ, to earth, to solve the problem of sin. God’s kindness is evident all around us.

If we want to be persons that handle criticism well…we will need to be sure that we are a people that have clothed themselves in Kindness…a people who want to provide for the benefit of others…not just ourselves.

I’ve been a recipient of the kindness of so many in the church over the years…that we could spend the remainder of our time with me recounting those acts of kindness.

But perhaps even more import than that, would be for you to pause and consider, how are you doing at expressing this kindness that God calls for us to put on?

When was the last time, not for your spouse, child or family member— you sought to express just an incredible act of kindness?

It might even have been for someone that you might have even been at odds with?

Last week in my pastoral prayer I mentioned that while we were still yet…enemies of God…that is when the kindness of God appeared.

Brothers and sisters, when you encounter times of opposition and difficulty from those around you…kindness…that will go a long way to acting in a way that God wants you to act…not with anger, malice, or bitterness.

Anger, malice, bitterness, and the like have all to do with destroying and hurting the other person. Kindness, what God calls for us to put on…has to do with building them up…with giving them something of benefit.

Practically speaking, when it comes to being a problem solver, I think that kindness manifest itself in a few ways.

1. Kind people don’t have to get their preferences
   
   

1. Kind people genuinely seek the benefit of others even at their own expense.

[expand]

1. Kind people trust in God’s provision for their well-being.

It can be easy to believe that if I don’t take care of me…then no one will. So, I need to look out for me. But when we are trusting in God…when we believe that we can seek the betterment of others because God will take care of our needs…then we can live the way that this text is talking about.

The text also tells us that we are to be people who are…

Tender-Hearted

This would stand in opposition to the many words that we looked at earlier as well. We are to be filled with compassion and love for folks…not filled with bitterness and anger.

In order to be kind…to express that type of care for others…your heart will have to be filled…it will have to be tender toward others.

You can see this word played out powerfully in one of the parables when Christ with the parable of the prodigal son…

““So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20, NASB95)

What moved the father to run to his son? To forgive his son? To Kiss his son?

There was a deep love for that person, no matter how poorly he had been treated by him.

This is not just mere affection and care, but it represents the entire heart of a person. Notice how Paul talks to Onesimus when Paul sends back Philemon…look for the use of our word…

“I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart,” (Philemon 12, NASB95)

I think it would be fair to say that Paul had deep affections for Philemon…You can see the love, the care, the concern in those types of verses.

That is what we are to have in our hearts toward others…what are we to put in the place of bitterness and malice? Hearts that are full of love and compassion towards others.

Lastly, we are told that we are to be

Forgiving

Time does not allow for us to search the scriptures and point out how often all these words coalesce around forgiveness…but it is simply breathtaking.

For example, just with the word we studied, we see that tender-hearted compassion spring up in Mt. 18

““And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.” (Matthew 18:27, NASB95)

Forgiveness is….

A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated. (Chris Brauns, Unpacking Forgiveness, 55)

Meaning, that when a person asks for your forgiveness, after they have confessed/admitted what they did was evil…a transaction is taking place.

You can almost hear and see the accounting background of not only this Greek word, but how we use the word in banking today.

Right, if you get your student loans forgiven by the government….and I’m not saying that should or should not happen…it means you don’t owe anything to the government. That debt is gone.

The same idea is pictured between people. There was something standing in the way….and that has been removed.

No relationship can survive without forgiveness…and it is viewed as essential for the Christian walk…you can’t be a Christian without living a life of forgiving others.

The text does say that we are do it as God in Christ has forgiven us.

“… forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NASB95)

That means a few things.

1. Forgiveness is transactional.
   
   

1. Forgiveness is not optional for Christians
   
   

We see that play out in Mt. 18…when if you won’t forgive others…then there is a problem with your own forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness does not mean all the consequences are removed in every situation.

1. Forgiveness is a promise

1. To not bring the issue up for someone’s harm

1. To not share the issue with others for harm

1. To not dwell on the issue in your own mind.

Now, there is a lot that we could spend the rest of the afternoon unpacking. In fact, that might be one of the practical take aways as you have considered what Paul is talking about.

You might need to consider receiving more training and teaching on what God requires of you. That is part of why the church has it’s pastors…to train and equip you to be problem solvers…to know what these things are…we just don’t have that much more time left.

You might be thinking right now that I am not that type of person…I’m not that forgiving individual…I’m not that tenderhearted person…

My suggestion to you…my encouragement to you…use the discipleship that your church has setup.

Last week we talked a bit about FCI launching…this sermon might be the gentle encouragement that you need to get into a FCI class that is going to teach you just about that very thing.

What is clear from our text is that Christians are called to put off the old man, renew their minds, and put on the new….

Paul gives us some very practical and measured ways to do that…our job…in the days and weeks ahead is to pause and consider where we are.

Where do we need to take the next step in putting these things off? Where do we see the old man habits that need to go? And what specific steps do I need to take to put on the new as I seek to have the posture of a problem solver…not a problem maker.