Dealing with Unfulfilled Longings

Janet Aucoin February 10, 2017


Presenting Problems such as discontentment, critical spirit, depression, anxiety, fear, anger, etc. frequently stem from a disconnect between expectations and reality.

Common statements: nothing is ever good enough, friends don’t understand me, my husband or my boss doesn’t appreciate me, I’m trying to do what God says but it isn’t “working,” it doesn’t seem worth it, I don’t fit in or belong anywhere, I deserve more, etc.

I. What is the problem?

A. Believing the lie that I should not have unfulfilled longings

“We have to recognize that we will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven…The deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing.”

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, “Lies Women Believe”.

Ro. 8:23 even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.

“If I discover within a desire which nothing in this world can satisfy, the probable explanation is I was made for another world…Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy (our desire), but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Ro. 8:22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

II. What is the Solution?

A. Biblical Expectations

Put Your Expectations in the LORD!

Ps. 62:5: for my expectation is from Him.

Ps. 42:1: As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.

Ps. 16:11: in Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

B. Meditate on what is true now because of Christ.

Ephesians 1:3-14

What is true of us now because of Christ?

C. Use your longings to set your affections above.

Col. 3:1: Therefore, if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

2 Tim. 4:8: In the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.

III. Result:

  • Thankfulness/appreciation
    • Freedom to see how God has blessed me
    • Enjoy the foretastes now while waiting for the feast
  • Outward focus
    • Increases my ability to see and love others
    • Gives me the opportunity to be a taste to others

Homework Assignments:

· Revel in the freedom of accepting a “new normal”—nothing’s wrong with me!

· Meditate on the Gospel

o Read “A Gospel Primer”

· “The gospel assures me that the love of God is infinitely superior to any love that I could ever give to myself. “Greater love has no one than this,” says Jesus while speaking of His love. And the deeper I go into the gospel, the more I experience the truth of His claim and thereby know how far His love for me surpasses even my own. His astonishing love for me renders self-absorption moot and frees me up to move on to causes and interests far greater than myself.” Liberation from Self Love, A Gospel Primer

· 'To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.' Proverbs 19:8

o Read “Valley of Vision”

· Memorize Ephesians 1:3-14

o All of our needs HAVE been met abundantly; not always experientially…YET!

· Study Psalm 139

o Our security in a God who knows ALL about me and STILL loves me!

· Make a Thank List

o Thank God for the many tastes!

· Take God at His Word

o “Taste and see that the LORD is good!”

o Act as if you believed Him that the greatest satisfaction in this life will be found in loving God and others, not in focusing on getting our needs met.


Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop

Suffering by Paul Tripp

Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent

Valley of Vision by Arthur Bennett

Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Janet Aucoin


Janet is the Director of Women's Ministry at Faith Church (Lafayette, IN); Host of the Joyful Journey Podcast (helping women learn that when you choose truth you choose joy); ACBC certified; teacher in Faith Community Institute; Coordinator of FBS seminary wives fellowship, retreat and conference speaker; B.S. Human Resources, University of South Florida.