How Can We All Get Along? part 3

Faith Church May 12, 2007 2 Corinthians 5:9


1. We’re continuing our NEW series in connection with the NEW Worship series: Building Strong Families and Relationships!

- our first study today is: Why Can’t We All Get Along?

2. We made the point that of all the people in the world who ought to be able to get along, it ought to be believers!

- but many times, God’s people are the ones that shoot each other the most – and don’t get along

- . . . and that extends to the family and other relationships

3. But the issue is HOW are we going to learn to get along and bring glory to God by the way we solve problems in our lives, our homes, our church, our relationship with others?

4. We answered the question . . .

I. WHY Can’t We All Just Get Along?

A. Because of the CURSE of SIN – Genesis 3

B. Because of Man’s PRIDE (selfishness – it’s all about ‘me’ mentality vs. HUMILITY!)

C. Because of Our Lack of LOVE for God and People

* Key to building strong families and relationship is learning what God’s love looks like:

  • MOST

D. Because of Stubbornness – a form of pride, but an unwillingness to change or do it God’s way or consider someone else’s opinion.

E. Because of a Lack of KNOWLEDGE of the Word

5. Today, we want to study the final answers to the Q:HOW can we all Get Along?


- we can all get along by doing the OPPOSITE of what we discussed – we have to

(1) … overcome the effects of the curse of sin

(2) …be humble

(3) … grow in our love for God/people,

(4) … be more willing to consider others and not be ‘stubborn’ or learn to be flexible and not ‘die on every hill’

(5) … GROW in our knowledge and understanding of the Word!]

* Remember: Unity does not imply uniformity – i.e. we don’t all have to be like each other to be unified, nor do we have to agree on everything to be unified

- the first key answer to HOW we can all get along would be to focus on . . .

A. The Goal of life: Glorify God (to please God)

  • 2 Corinthians 5:9 & 1 Corinthians 10:31

- life (and all it involves) should center around bring glory to God!

- when that goal is shared by BOTH parties, it’s a whole lot easier to SOLVE PROBLEMS!

B. The Grace of God

Grace = God giving us what we do not deserve!

- There’s no peace in some situations because there is no grace

- but just because you show ‘grace’ doesn’t mean it will result in ‘peace’

C. Getting the Log Out of Your Eye 1st !

  • Matthew 7:1-5

- many times, conflicts are RESOLVED when one person will admit that he/she was wrong

- the problem is, we want the other person to be the 1st to admit that!

1) Seeing the magnitude of the sin – Psalm 51

- if a person doesn’t see that, it’s not likely they will change . . . (in their mind) they don’t need to change!

Q: Where can you look to see the ‘magnitude’ of your sin?

[Calvary – the cross, or the life of Christ!

2) Repenting: change the mind – Luke 17:3

- stop thinking the other person is the one wrong – deal with your sin

3) Confess sin to the appropriate people – 1 John 1:9

confess’ = to say the same thing God says (i.e. it was wrong, sinful, didn’t please God, broke God’s word, etc. – it is said to God and the appropriate people!]

4) Ask forgiveness

- this lays the foundation for restoring the relationship

- we are commanded to forgive one another! (Eph. 4:32!!)

D. Gently Restore the Relationship – Gal. 6:1 [ONLY COVERED THIS POINT LAST WEEK]

- while the greatest goal is to glorify God, a secondary goal is to restore the relationship!

1. Go considering yourself (resisting the pride, get the log out, you sin as well)

2. Go with gentleness in your speech

3. Go asking questions (Example: God in Gen. 3)

“Questions convict the conscience; accusations harden the heart.”

- you can apply the following questions to parenting situations, but also in trying to solve problems with another person

- When there is conflict and you want to solve the problem God’s way . . .


Input: What are some questions you can ask BEFORE you go talk to the person and WHEN you actually talk to them?


BEFORE you go

WHEN you go

  • What did I DO that was not pleasing to God?
  • What was I THINKING that led up my actions?
  • Would Jesus have handled the problem the way I did? If not, why not?
  • What should I have done?
  • In what way did I fail to show ‘grace’ when I responded the way I did?
  • Is my goal to please God in this situation?
  • Am I honestly evaluating my life and getting the log out of my eye?
  • Do you want to solve this problem in a way that would be pleasing to God?
  • In what specific way do you think I sinned against you?
  • What do I need to do now to show grace so ‘peace’ can follow?
  • Can you tell me, in your words, what I need to do to bring reconciliation to our relationship?

4. Go with restoration in mind

  • Galatians 6:1 Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

Restore = to mend the net, to set the bone!

- talk about the goal of church discipline is to RESTORE the relationship!

E Get to the idols of the heart, not just outward actions – James 1:13-17

- outward actions simply reveal what’s in the heart

  • Matthew 15:19 "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.”

Idol = anything we make more important than pleasing God [Cf. Exodus 20:3]

Q: How do know when something is an idol?

1) How do you respond when you don’t get it?

2) Are you willing to sin in order to get it?

F. Grant Forgiveness – Eph. 4:32; Matthew 6:14-15

  • Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
  • Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 "But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

- explain that forgiveness is conditional but COMMANDED! [Luke 17:1-3]

- our forgiveness is conditional because God’s forgiveness is conditional . . .upon repentance!

[recommend Jay Adam’s, From Forgiven to Forgiving – it’s in the MRC – we did a 18 week series on Forgiveness – it to is available upon request (electronic copies)]

G. Grow as a result – Eph. 4:15; 1 Tim. 4:7

  • Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,
  • 1 Timothy 4:7 …discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness;

* Progressive Sanctification: The doctrine of spiritual growth – Eph. 4:22-24

- if you don’t GROW as a result of the trying to solve the problem, you really haven’t brought the conflict to a peaceful resolution!

> part the ‘resolution’ is not making the same mistake again – to CHANGE & GROW!

- explain the progressive sanctification process of put off / put on (principle of replacement)

Divide the ABF into ½ working on the ‘put off’ and the other ½ work on the ‘put on’

Example: A person dealing with sinful anger – can’t seem to be able to resolve problems!

Put Off

Put On

Sinful thoughts:

  • I’m right
  • This should be done my way
  • The other person is WRONG
  • I’m not giving-in, in any way!
  • I need to TALK!!

Sinful actions:

  • Raising one’s voice
  • Facial expression
  • Reactions – slam doors
  • Silent treatment
  • Manipulate the other person

Principle of


Biblical thoughts:

  • I could be wrong
  • I need to learn something
  • I need to be humble
  • I need to LISTEN
  • God wants ME to change

Biblical actions

  • Speaking kindly/gentle
  • Show self-control
  • Speak the truth in love
  • Ask questions, learn!


* Don’t forget the Law of the Harvest! – Gal. 6:7-9(at all levels)

Faith Church