Hope for Wives in Suffering

- One of the benefits and challenges of being made in the image of God, and being remade in the image of Christ is both the ability, and the responsibility, of thinking different kinds of biblical thoughts simultaneously…

- I realize that’s a long sentence – so please allow me to repeat it because it frames much of what we have to study from God’s Word this am…

- one of the benefits and challenges of being made in the image of God, and being remade in the image of Christ is both the ability, and the responsibility, of thinking different kinds of biblical thoughts simultaneously…

- if we were just going to try to bring this down to street level, we could say – often followers of Jesus Christ are called upon to walk and chew gum at the same time…

- and the fact that God expects us to be able to do that, and enables us to do that – says a lot about the way our minds and hearts have been created…

- so for example…it’s not usual at all for us to come to church on the Lord’s Day and during our prayer time, hear about a new baby who has been born…which allows us to rejoice with that family…

- and in the next moment, hear about a member or church or one of their loved ones who died…which allows us to weep with that family…

- Paul even said as much in Romans 12:15 - Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

- and what all of us have experienced is…sometimes you have to do that simultaneously…which tells us something about how amazing our God-given minds are…because I think if we went around the room, I’m sure many could give examples of how the Holy Spirit has allowed you to do that…you’re applying this particular passage of Scripture to this particular event and a different passage of Scripture to a different event…and at the same time you’re driving you car down the road and somewhat paying attention to all of that…at least, we hope…

- now, to push this one step further…sometimes we’re called upon to do that with the same event…we all experienced that regarding the homegoing of our sister Erisa Funada…

- there were so many elements of that event that humanly speaking were terribly sad…and we mourned with her husband Naoto and their children along with Erisa’s parents…

- but at the same time, we rejoiced in the biblical truths regarding Erisa’s eternal home…

- so often in the Christian life, it’s not either/or – it’s both/and…

- Paul said that too to the Thessalonians - 1 Thessalonians 4:13 - But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope.

- so yes, we are grieving…there’s so much about this that hurts…

- but we also factor in reasons to have hope…and we can, and must, do that at the same time…

- so hopefully we have our premise established -- one of the benefits and challenges of being made in the image of God, and being remade in the image of Christ is both the ability, and the responsibility, of thinking different kinds of biblical thoughts simultaneously…

- now, what happens when we wrap that around to a topic like suffering?...

- for example, suffering under an unjust government?...do we have only one responsibility there, or many?...the book we’re studying in the early months of this year gives clear-cut commands…1 Peter 2:13–15 - Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

- but what if we believe our government is being unjust in some way?...at least in the participatory form of government in which we live…we can speak up in all sorts of ways and work toward what we believe is a more just government…but here’s the question…does that mean that we can neglect the “submit yourself to your government” part of the equation?...

- this is tax season…does the Bible specifically command us to pay our taxes?...it certainly does…

- is it possible that some of what the government does with our money violates biblical principles?...would you like to have a conversation about the amount of debt our federal government is in on behalf of each one of us?...

- but we can’t choose one or the other – I’m going to advocate for better tax policies and I’m not going to obey God’s Word about paying taxes until the government spends all my tax dollars the way I believe is right…

- that’s about the quickest way to start a jail ministry from the inside that I can think of…

- Christians have to learn the art of both/and – obeying all God’s Word has to say about a particular topic…

- later in that chapter, Peter raises the issue of our work…1 Peter 2:18 - Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

- and while our employment structure is not the same in our culture as in Peter’s day, the principles carry over…

- so even if we work in a place where there is some sort of grievance process, or appeal process…that doesn’t mean we can entirely discount what Scripture says about submission in the workplace…

- for a third time for those in the back - one of the benefits and challenges of being made in the image of God, and being remade in the image of Christ is both the ability, and the responsibility, of thinking different kinds of biblical thoughts simultaneously…

- now here’s the question before us this morning…is that also true in Christian marriage?...and the answer is – yes, it certainly is…and the fact that that’s true provides an intellectual challenge and also a great amount of hope…

- because if God designed marriage that way, He also stands ready to help us make that a growing reality

- with that in mind, please open your Bibles to 1 Peter 3:1…page 181 of the back section of the Bible under the chair in front of you…

- our theme this year is Hope for Everyday Life

- to develop that idea, we’re spending the early part of the year doing a verse-by-verse study of 1-2 Peter…called Hope in Everyday Suffering…

- we know that Peter was writing to people who had been scattered because of the persecution of the church under the wicked Emperor Nero…

- which is why Peter within the first 6 verses of the book dives into the topic…1 Peter 1:6 - In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,

- what we’ve learned is that this book is intensely practical…I just mentioned 2 examples of that when we discussed how we relate to our government, and how we relate to our bosses…

- even when you’re suffering under imperfect authority…there are still biblical principles you have to consider…you’re waling and chewing gum at the same time…

- somewhat surprisingly…Peter next turns his attention to Christian marriage…so today we’re talking about Hope for Wives in Suffering…and Lord willing next week we’ll pivot to the husbands…and if you say – why are we following that approach?...because that’s the order in which the topics are discussed in the book…

- now, two other issues before we read the passage…

- what about a person who would say – well, I’m single – what should I do with this material?...here’s 3 quick responses…

1. Apply the principles to other relationships you’re currently in.

2. Pray for those in our church who are married now.

3. Be prepared, God may surprise you with a spouse someday.

- one last issue before we read…admittedly these verses are very controversial…truthfully, much of this book is…but it raises the question of – how do we build a theology of the role of the husband, and the role of the wife…and how do verses like these fit into this process…

- I would encourage you to know and perhaps even memorize what we refer to around here is the theological pyramid…

- there are two very important implications of this for what we’re doing today…

1. Don’t be afraid to let all of what God’s Word says on a subject inform your belief system…

- I remember over 20 years ago when we were doing a study on music and worship when one of our members who came from a very conservative theology tradition said to me – “let’s not be afraid to be biblical..”…if God’s Word would cause us to make some changes in this aspect of church life…let’s not be afraid to be biblical…

2. Don’t focus exclusively on one passage to the neglect of everything else Scripture says on the topic…[cf. the importance of biblical balance]…

- with all of that in mind, let’s read our verses – read 1 Peter 3:1-6

- so we’re talking about Hope for Wives in Suffering…and with the time we have remaining, let’s look for 3 actions to guide wives when times are hard.

- now you might say – why would we use the word “suffering” in the same sentence as “marriage”?...here’s 2 questions…

- do we live in a sin-cursed world/culture?...

- do married people live with an imperfect spouse?...

- think about the original audience…they had to flee their homes…they are suffering as a result of their external circumstances….

- and they have imperfect spouses…and often those imperfections are exacerbated during periods of external suffering…

- so where’s the hope?...in asking the Holy Spirit to help you be God’s kind of person and trusting Him for the results…

- 3 actions to guide wives when times are hard…

I. Embrace the Call to Submission.

- the primary point here is not difficult to grasp - 1 Peter 3:1 - …you wives, be submissive to your own husbands…

- and lest someone would say, well, Peter must have been some kind of chauvinist…

- this is word for word what Paul taught as well…Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

- now please keep in mind that…

A. Remembering the context that both men and women are responsible to live submissively

- we’ve seen that already…

- 1 Peter 2:13 - Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, -- men and women were called upon to live submissively…

- 1 Peter 2:18 - Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

-- men and women were called upon to live submissively…

- 1 Peter 2:21 - For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, - our Lord Jesus Christ was called upon to live submissively…

- btw, one of many questions we husbands should ask during a message like this is whether the way we are joyfully submitting to the God-given authority ion our lives makes it easier for our wives and children to follow the God-given authority in theirs…

- that’s why the very first phrase in chapter 3 verse 1 is what?...

- 1 Peter 3:1 - In the same way…

- answer – in the same way citizens are to relate to our imperfect government…

- in the same way servants are to relate to their masters…or employees to employers…

- on the same way our Savior related to the unjust treatment He received…

- God has given wives the calling and opportunity to submit to the leadership of their husbands…

- now, let’s be sure we’ve defined what this means…

B. Understanding the meaning of submission

- this is the same original word we’ve observed earlier in the book…

- its huppostasso…a military word which means, to line up in rank under.

- in any human relationship, someone has to have the axe over their neck…

- if there’s an impasse that does not involve clear sin, someone has to be able to make the final call…

- so take the original audience…they’re scattered…meaning in part, they have to decide where they are going to live…

- Choosing randomly 2 of the cities mentioned at the beginning of the book…what if the wife believes they should move to Pontus, but the husband believes it’s safer in Galatia?...

- then what?…well, hopefully they will have an open discussion about the pro’s and con’s – and hopefully the husband, as part of his responsibility to learn about his wife’s needs and desires (which is what the next verse in 1 Peter 3 emphasizes) and his desire to fulfill her preferences whenever possible…will listen carefully and thoughtfully to what she has to say…

- but ultimately he’s going to have to decide…and if his decision is not the wife’s preference in that particular instance…then the wife’s privilege and responsibility is to follow her husband’s leadership…

- and this is where the “in the same way” phrase becomes so important…

- because in so doing, she is being molded into the image of Jesus Christ…

- 1 Peter 2:23 - and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;

- now is this in the Bible because the husband’s opinions are always better than hers?...not at all – men and women are equal in value in God’s economy -- Galatians 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

- btw – concepts like this would have been explosive in the cultural context in which they were given…

- this is why often times in Christian marriage – the wisest thing a husband can do is delegate all sorts of responsibility to his wife in areas where she is more gifted…

- I know a number of great Christian couples where the wife handles all the finances…and the husband will say – she’s better with that area of life than I am…

- that doesn’t mean he’s abdicating his role…nor does that mean she’s usurping his…it’s just an agreement they’ve come to…

- also, I assume it goes without saying…that we’re not talking about a husband asking a wife to do something that is clearly sinful…no human entity has absolute authority…

- Acts 5:29 - But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

- so let’s go back to paying taxes for a moment – let’s say a husband and wife file their taxes jointly…and the husband lies about the amount of charitable contributions they made last year in order to get a higher tax deduction than they should receive…and then he slides the tax return over to his wife and tells her to sign it…

- does 1 Peter 3:1-6 mandate that she must sign a fraudulent tax return?...absolutely not…she has to obey God rather than her husband in that matter…

- here’s one that’s harder…what if a husband wants to start a new business…but in order to do so, the couple would have to withdraw all the money they have saved for retirement, mortgage their home to it’s limits, empty all their savings accounts, and take out an unsecured loan from family or friends…

- but the only way he can take these steps is to have his wife’s signature on all these transactions?...

- does 1 Peter 3:1-6 mandate that she sign?...

- we’d probably need more specific facts…but I’m not sure the answer to that is yes…which brings up a very important point – if you’re not sure if/how this passage (or any passage applies in a given situation), why not seek counsel from your deacon or one of our pastors?...

- there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you need help…I have needed counsel over the years for how to be a better husband, how to be a better father, how to be a better pastor, how to be a better friend…I don’t know many people who haven’t…

- now, what if the husband is not behaving in a very godly fashion?...that issue is clearly addressed in this passage, isn’t it?...

- 1 Peter 3:1 - In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,

- what does “without a word” mean?...

- without nagging…without incessantly focusing on his failures…

- 1 Corinthians 7 makes the same argument…1 Corinthians 7:13–14 - And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.

- we could say it this way – biblical submission has a powerful apologetic value…

- and we have men and women in our church family who are in this situation…where they are married to someone who does not know the Lord…

- but the unbelieving partner is “pleased to dwell” with their Christian spouse…meaning, at the minimum, committed to a civil, monogamous relationship…

- and our brothers and sisters in that situation are doing the best they can to be a godly spouse even when it’s hard…why?

- because it pleases God, because it helps them become more like Christ, and it puts their spouse and children in the best possible position to repent and believe in Christ themselves…

- now, we’re certainly not talking about any kind of physical abuse…and the exact nature of the conditions in the home may have to be evaluated on a case by case basis…to determine whether that person is obligated by the Lord to stay in that marriage long-term…

- this is a very important point historically – when my predecessor Pastor Goode came here nearly 50 years ago, he lad us to adopt a “2 grounds for biblical divorce” position…

- that was very controversial during those days…because most conservative churches believed there were no grounds for divorce…

- in other words – you have a passage like 1 Peter 3:1-6, and you didn’t have anything else…

- and Pastor Goode’s point was – there is such a thing as a biblical divorce…for adultery according to Matthew 5 and 19, and desertion here in 1 Cor. 7…

- he and Doc Smith actually traveled around teaching that position…

- and while they were criticized for having what some said was a weak view of marriage…they said no – it’s the opposite – mandating that a person stay in a marriage regardless of the treatment he or she is receiving is a weak view of marriage…

- and nine times out of ten, at least, over the years…that view has benefitted the wife…

- but that takes us back to what we said at the very beginning – Christians are called upon to think different kinds of biblical thoughts simultaneously…

- which means – what can’t be done is a husband or wife saying – because I don’t think my spouse is doing right – therefore I don’t have to do right either…

- and one of the take-aways here is – if you need help in determining how Scripture informs your specific situation…there are all kinds of people who would be happy to sit down and try to sort all of that out…

- now let’s come back to the main point…God calls upon wives to embrace the call to submission…

- so husbands – ask yourself – am I being submissive to the God-given leadership in my life so that my wife and children have a clear model to follow?

- it would also be wise for a husband to ask his wife if there are changes he can make to make it easier for her to follow him…

- wives – it’s pretty clear…how would you evaluate yourself in this area?...

- I know the world would scoff at these concepts…

- can I remind you of this passage…Psalm 119:89 - Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven.

- why not ask your husband what you could do to bring yourself more in line with what Scripture teaches here…

Now, what else does the passage add?...

II. Pursue the Heart of Submission

A. Insincere submission is not submission at all.

- the attitude that says -- “I’ll comply on the outside but I’ll chafe on the inside” is a far cry from what Peter is describing.

- a submissive life is borne out of a submissive heart.

- so how do you do what Peter is commanding?

1. Don’t overemphasize issues of the outer man.

- there’s nothing wrong with braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or wearing dresses…

- but if that is the focus of one’s life, the focus is misplaced.

- what would happen if you kept a list for a week of the time spent on the outer man, and the time spent on the inner man?

- which gets the most time, attention, and emphasis?

2. Bring thoughts and ideas into your heart and life that make biblical submission easier and more likely.

- if you feed on rebellion, that will eventually come out…

- this is why many women in our church would say – this is one of the reasons I’m cultivating godly friendships…or why I’m in a small group Bible study…I want the teaching and the accountability…

3. When you struggle being submissive, ask, “what am I allowing to go through my heart”?

- this phrase “let it be the hidden person of the heart” indicates that time and energy has to spent in examining ones thoughts, and desires, and attitudes…

B. Be convinced of its lasting value.

- 1 Peter 3:4 - but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

- Peter says that a submissive heart and a submissive life are imperishable.

- a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of God.

- I understand that the world would chuckle at what we’re discussing today…but Christians long ago made the decision that we’re not living for the applause of the world…

- we want to live in a way that is pleasing in the sight of God.

- and by the way, I need to say this morning that I believe many women in our church family live this way.

- I didn’t prepare this message this morning thinking…

- so and so needs this…and so and so needs this, and Oh my, so and see needs this so much we better send her a tape…

- from my vantage point, many, many wives seem to be in submission to their husbands and happy about it.

- and my next response to that is…and Lord, thank you for doing a transforming work of grace in each person’s heart because a submissive lifestyle is only possible through the grace of God.

- that leads me to another question…friend, do you have a personal relationship with God that makes it possible for you to change and grow even when it is hard?

- or could God use a message on the topic of submission to draw you to himself?

- Peter ends this section in an unusual way…he encourages us to…

III. Enjoy the Freedom of Submission

- Peter speaks about the holy women of old…

- his point is, other people have lived this way and God has been pleased…

- he’s not living in the past, but he’s trying to give his people hope by telling them that they’re not the first generation to struggle with such matters…

- and if God helped them…God will help you.

- now I know that there will be a few snickers when we read about Sarah calling Abraham “lord”…

- I’m certainly not saying that that’s what a Christian wife should call her husband today…

- but for anyone who would laugh at this verse I’d just say this…if you saw where the lack of this spirit and attitude can lead people, you’d cry.

- authority in our day and age is often ridiculed, or undermined, and disdained.

- it is good for us to get a healthy dose of the other side of the equation.

- and Peter wants us to know, and more importantly God wants us to know, that there is freedom and security in following God’s principles…

- 1 Peter 3:6 - just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

- I learned this principle during my first 8 years here serving as Pastor Goode’s associate…

- I was to be in submission to him…

- I can’t tell you how much freedom came with that…

- [develop – him coming in, asking my opinion about a matter, then walking out with shoulders slumped…then 8 years later – 27 years ago…that turned on a dime]…