Communication #3

Steve Viars April 25, 1992

- We're in the middle of a series on Basic Bible Truths
- we've been studying basic subjects in the Christian life
  that are critical for us to both understand and apply

- last week we dealt with the third rule
- INPUT - who can tell me one of the first three rules along
      with the verse of Scripture where that rule is found?

- we've been studying this subject for the past two weeks
    - INPUT - what question(s) should we be asking ourselves
         about now?  (changing?)


- this morning we're going to finish the fourth rule and then
   work at applying these rules to everyday life situations


IV.  Act, Don't React

    - you have the definitions for the various words for you
      there under letter "A"

    - point is - all of the positive words in these verses
      are actions, the negative ones are reactions

    2. the natural tendency of our Gen. 3 nature is to be
       defensive about dealing with our own sins

        contrast the Gen. 3 man from the I John 1 man
         (includes "a" and "b")

        - some of us will do just about anything before
          admitting that we did anything wrong
          (especially applicable to Christian servants)
        - cf. Trenton - kids fighting - always "he hit me
               first"
        - "He committed sin #1, makes it right for me to
           commit sin #2"

- INPUT - so let's factor this specifically into
    communication
     - How would you complete this sentence: "I am reacting
        in my communication if ______________"
           - not listening
           - blaming the other person
           - just giving excuses
           - bringing up their faults
           - crying, yelling, blowing up, pouting
           - bringing up the past
           - bringing up the "genealogy"

- let's think about how that might work out specifically
   - we're going to have a "reacting fight" (divide class
       into two halves)
   - let's say that the "south enders" have a habit of coming
     in after work and scattering their clothes all over the
     bedroom

   - so the "north enders" come in and lovingly say, "honey,
     would you mind hanging up your clothes when you come in
     from work?"
   - (hypothetically react back and forth)


    B. Actions (vs. 32) - attitudes and actions you must "put
       on" to replace the reactions

       1. definitions (have them in the notes)

       2. you, through God's Spirit, must learn to be kind,
          tenderhearted, and forgiving

        - point is - must act instead of reacting

        - Thermometer/thermostat

    C. Conflicts are possible only if each reacts


- I realize you might be here today and would say, "but PV, I
  have habits of reacting that go back to my childhood.  My
  parents reacted...."
     - those habits "pop out" naturally when I communicate

- Kevin's going to come now and talk about some "defusing
   statements" we need to learn in order to help us "Act"
   when we might feel like "reacting"

Conclusion

    1. changing habits is not easy, but it can be done
        "that's hard" - Yes, but...
        a. it can be done - I Cor. 10:13 - There hath no
                           Phil. 4:13 - I can do all ..
        b. hard, but Prov. 13:15 - the way of the trans.

    2. No matter how irresponsible the other person is, you
       must act biblically

       - you can't control the other person, but you can
         control how you respond

Steve Viars

B.S. - Bible, Baptist Bible College
M.Div. - Grace Theological Seminary
D.Min. - Westminster Theological Seminary

Pastor Steve Viars has served at Faith Church since 1987. He and his wife Kris were married in 1982 and have two married daughters, a son, and two grandchildren. Pastor Viars’ gifted teaching ministry, enthusiasm for the Word of God, and organizational skills are instrumental in equipping Faith Church. He oversees the staff, deacons, and all Faith ministries and serves on the boards of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, Biblical Counseling Coalition, Vision of Hope, and the Faith Community Development Corporation.

Read Steve Viars’ Journey to Faith for the full account of how the Lord led Pastor Viars to Faith Church.

View Pastor Viars' Salvation Testimony Video