Communications #4

Steve Viars May 2, 1992

I. Case Studies

    - break into groups and go over case studies

    - goal is:

       a) review four rules--make them "part of you"

       b) practice applying them/using in real life
            situations

II. Circuit Jammers

     (give Wayne credit and recommend book - "Your Family God's Way")

    A. Passages

        - break into groups

        - go over passages (handout based on verses from pp.
          59-61 in Wayne Mack's book)

         - identify which "circuit jammer" is listed in each
            verse

         - see answers on enclosed sheets from Wayne's book


    B. Other examples of circuit jammers

        1. blatant lying

            "yes, I'll do that" but they don't

            "I didn't do that" but they did

            "I was only kidding" when they meant every word

            "I'm sorry I forgot to do what you asked me to
             do" when they're not sorry and they didn't
             merely forget.

        2. lethal exaggeration

            "you never want to do what I want to do"

            "You're always late"

            "You'll never learn"


        3. misrepresentation

            cf. Hagar comic strip - goes to doctor who says,
             "You're fat and flabby, for a man your age, I'm
              amazed at the shape you're in!"

              - wife asks - "what'd the doctor say?"
              - Hagar says - "He said for a man my age, he
                  can't believe the shape I'm in."


            - a person could have misrepresented Paul by
              changing some punctuation:
               "Let him that stole steal, no more laboring
                with his hands the thing which is good..."


        4. sidetracking

            - when no one issue is thoroughly discussed

            - any time you get close to an area where the
               person needs to change, they change subjects
               and get you on another track


        5. verbal slamming

            - this is OK in Ping Pong, but it's not right
               when communicating.

            - Prov. 15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away wrath,
                but a harsh word stirs up anger."


        6. cancellation speech

            - "That was a good meal, why don't you cook that
                 way more often?"

            - "Thanks for calling me when you knew you'd be
                late. I just can't understand why you don't
                do that all the time."


        7. gunpowder speech

            - Prov. 18:6 - "A fools lips bring strife, and
                his mouth invites a beating."

            - Wayne illus - complimented a counselee on how
               well she completed her PDI. She replied with,
               "well, isn't that the way you're supposed to
                fill them out?"


        8. ventriloquist speech

            - parents "speaking for" children or spouse
               "speaking for" other spouse

            - answering questions that were asked of somebody
               else

            - finishing the story

            - "what he really meant was"

 

        9. final-word speech

           - know it all

           - has to have the final word

           - can't stand to have someone disagree


        10. excessive negative talk

            - constantly complain or find fault

            - gloom and doom speech

            - seldom affirm or talk about the positive side
               of people.

        11. mind reading speech

            - "you meant..."

            - "You can't fool me. I've lived with you long
                enough and ..."

        12. verbal manipulation

            - "I wish you had never been born."

            - "I never wanted you anyway."

            - Prov. 15:4


        13. double-bind speech

            - Blondie illus - Dagwood talking on phone to
              Herb who asks him to go shoot pool.

            - Dagwood - to Blondie - "Herb wants me to go
               shoot spme pool."

            - Blondie - "If you don't mind leaving me here
               all by myself and your conscience will let you
               go, then I certainly will."

            - Dagwood - (to Herb) - "She said yes, but
               somehow it came out no!"

        14. cotton candy speech

             - superficial, lacking depth and substance

             - surface talk, frivolous joking and teasing

        15. excessive heavyweight speech

            - opposite of above

            - laughing, kidding, sports, etc. have no place

        16. hasty, kneejerk speech

            - Prov. 29:20

            - Prov. 20:25

            - Eccl. 5:2

    C. Illustrations

        - Go over illustrations on pp. 62-63 of Wayne's book
          and identify which circuit breaker is being
          illustrated

Steve Viars

B.S. - Bible, Baptist Bible College
M.Div. - Grace Theological Seminary
D.Min. - Westminster Theological Seminary

Pastor Steve Viars has served at Faith Church since 1987. He and his wife Kris were married in 1982 and have two married daughters, a son, and two grandchildren. Pastor Viars’ gifted teaching ministry, enthusiasm for the Word of God, and organizational skills are instrumental in equipping Faith Church. He oversees the staff, deacons, and all Faith ministries and serves on the boards of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, Biblical Counseling Coalition, Vision of Hope, and the Faith Community Development Corporation.

Read Steve Viars’ Journey to Faith for the full account of how the Lord led Pastor Viars to Faith Church.

View Pastor Viars' Salvation Testimony Video