Communications #6

Faith Church May 16, 1992 Ephesians 4:25-32

- we've been studying what the Word of God says about

- we've studied:
     1) the four rules of communication
     2) we've talked about "circuit jammers"

- last week we began talking about non-verbal communication
- some studies indicate that as much as 55% of our
   communication one another is non-verbal
     - of course there's no way to verify that and I'm not
       throwing it out as "gospel truth," but there's no
       question that non-verbal communication makes up a
       significant percentage of how we communicate with one

- if that percentage is anywhere close to being accurate,
   it's imperative that we give this subject some serious
- last week we looked at a number of passages of Scripture
  that illustrated different kinds of non-verbal
  communication (or different things that could be
  communicated non-verbally)
   - INPUT - what were some of those passages or things that
       could be communicated non-verbally?

- we tried to make two important points about this kind of
    communication last week
- one had to do with the way we send non-verbal messages, and
    the other had to do with the way we receive them

- INPUT - what was the point about the way we send them? (we
          are responsible for this area of our life)

- INPUT - what was the point about the way we receive them?
          (this area can be easily misunderstood)

  - Kevin Doerr is going to come with an illustration of this
      second point.

III. Categorizing non-Verbal Communication

    A. INPUT - as a group, list as many kinds of non-verbal
         communication as you can.

        - maintaining eye contact
        - avoiding eye contact
        - rolling eyes
        - stern look
        - pleasant look
        - frown
        - smile
        - smirk
        - pout
        - worried expression
        - angry expression
        - fearful expression
        - sloppy dress
        - neat dress
        - backing off
        - standing close
        - seating positions
        - use of time
        - use of finances
        - how we laugh
        - what we laugh at
        - willingness to help others
        - spirit/manner in which we help
        - how we listen
        - our presence/absence
        - attempts to avoid communication

- Come back together - put lists together

- now I'd like you to take those ideas and organize them in
   two categories

    B. non-verbal behavior that hinders effective

    C. Non-verbal behavior that enhances communicating


IV. Non-verbal Charades

    - in the time we have left, we're going to try some non-
       verbal charades.

- small groups - each is assigned an item from the list
   below.  They are to discuss how that item could be
   communicated non-verbally and design a skit to illustrate
   the principle.
   - each group will present their skit to the class.
   - one person should be designated as the non-verbal
   - the other group members can talk during the skit, but
     the designated non-verbal communicator cannot.

   - Score - 1 point for every one that is answered correctly
       (while your team is observing). One point for every
        team that answers yours correctly (while you are
        giving the skit).

- Summary points to remember about non-verbal communication

1) Regularly ask what your non-verbal communication is
    "saying" to others.

    - this is an area that many of us don't think much about.
    - we need to get in the habit of concentrating on this
       more than we do.

    - it would probably be good to ask some people close to
      you what kind of "non-verbal signals" you typically
      send, and what you could do to change that.

    - one of the purposes of the skits was to show how
      difficult it is to consciously think about:
         - how to communicate non-verbally
         - what the best way is to get the message across in
           the way that is easiest to understand by others.

    - It's important that we regularly ask what this area of
      our lives is communicating to others.

2) Be honest about what's happening "inside."

    - let's take a minute and think about "why" our non-
      verbal communication doesn't always match up with what
      we're saying with our lips.

    - Proverbs 26:23-26, 28

    - these verses are talking about a person who is saying
      one thing with his lips but something completely
      different is going on the "inside"

    - it's possible to not want to face up to what I'm really
      thinking, wanting, feeling -- especially when those
      thoughts, desires, emotions are wrong or bad
    - the tendency for some of us is to cover them up or deny
      them instead of dealing with them biblically

    - often that results in a conflict between verbal
      communication and non-verbal communication

3) Know when to explain

    - there are appropriate times to explain to others why
      you might be communicating non-verbally in a certain

    - cf. the husband who comes home and is "quiet"

       INPUT - what might be some reasons for his "quietness"

       INPUT - what might that communicate to the wife?

       INPUT - what does he need to do to be sure his non-
         verbal communication isn't saying the wrong thing to
         his wife?

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